The Black Widow
by Perfection Inc
Summary: Reid gets caught in the crossfire of revenge and finds himself tied to a chair...again
1. Chapter 1

The Black Widow  
>By Perfection, Inc<p>

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, any of the characters, or responsibility to not disappoint any fans. This story takes place after JJ leaves, but before Prentiss is gone.

Chapter 1

The air outside the hotel was warm, but it was accompanied by a cool breeze. Spencer Reid was enjoying the short walk from the hotel to the diner down the street. Morgan had really pissed him off. He never should have said that to Reid, let alone in the middle of a crowded police station. He shook off his anger and focused on why they were there. This case was bugging him and he wanted some fresh coffee and pie to think things over.

The diner was fairly empty, which didn't surprise Reid, it was well after midnight. He placed himself in a booth.

"Agent Reid," The waitress greeted him. "What brings you out so late?"

"Coffee and pie," he smiled back. They chatted back and forth for a bit about how warm a night it was; an unusual occurrence for this time of year. She brought him a slice of chess pie and a coffee.

He ran through the case files again as she filled cup after cup of coffee. There had been 8 victims in the last 2 months. No one pegged it as a serial killer right away; each victim has died in different locations from an apparent black widow bite, not uncommon for the area. It wasn't until someone noticed the victims had been only white men in their 40's that had died from the same spider bite that shot up the red flags to the local PD. With a little digging by Garcia it also turns out most of them had a history or sexual assault, although most of them had gotten away with it. Reid jumped when the waitress sat down across from him.

"I'm sorry," she began. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Reid quickly began gathering up the files. "It's alright Olivia." He replied. "I guess that's what I get for drinking so much coffee." They sat in silence for a minute, making Reid realize they were now the only 2 left in the restaurant.

"Can I ask you something?" Her eyes studied him.

"Sure," he drained the last bit of coffee out of his cup.

It took her a moment, as if she were gathering her thought. "What do you think will happen when you catch the killer?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

"I guess I mean to ask what will happen to the killer when they get caught."

"Well," Reid sighed. "That depends."

"On what?" She leaned forward.

"On a lot of things," Reid answered honestly. "Some of the unsubs we catch go to jail, some go to a hospital where they get the help they need and some …" He hesitated. "Some die in the end."

She seemed to consider this information before she asked another question.

"Do they all have a good reason for doing it?" She asked.

"For killing?" Reid watched her. She simply nodded.

"Most of them have reasons for what led them to kill, but I don't really know what to consider a 'good' reason to take someone's life."

She licked her lips. "This killer, here," She looked around. "I mean what if she had a really good reason for doing it?"

Reid took a deep breath, feeling the hairs on his neck stand on end. He asked his next question with caution. "What makes you think the killer is a 'she'?"

"What?" She looked startled.

"You said 'what if _she_ had a really good reason'…" Reid's hand rested on his leg, niches from his gun.

"No I didn't." She protested.

"Yes you did, I have an eidetic memory remember?" Reid explained. She closed her eyes and sighed. She laid her hand on the table.

"I…"She faltered, tears began to appear in her eyes. Reid watched her as her eyes darted back and forth as she seems to be truly conflicted. "I can't fell this way anymore. I can't stop myself." Her eyes started right through him as she whispered, "It's me. I'm the killer."

Reid carefully planned what he was going to say next, not sure what she was about to do. "Listen, I am not going to judge you for what you did." She wiped away a tear as it streamed down her face. "If you really did kill those men, I need you to come with me to the police station." Reid wished he had brought his hand cuffs, but at least he had his gun. Hopefully he wouldn't have to use it.

"I did it because…" Her voice caught in her throat. "I just… I feel…I don't know…" She couldn't finish a sentence. "Please help me."

Reid slowly rose to his feet; she wrapped her arms around herself. "Please, come with me," he extended his hand to her. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said when she seemed to shrink away from him, "but I need you to come with me."

"What is going to happen to me?" She whispered through her tears.

"I am going to get you some help." Reid inched closer to her. "Look, I understand that those men did some terrible things. I won't let anyone hurt you again. I promise."

She slowly took his hand and stood. He let her calm down for a minute, then he spoke softly. "Just walk slowly." She nodded as he led her out of the diner and into the warm night air.

They had only made it a short distance before Reid heard movement behind them and then everything went black.

* * *

><p>Morgan knocked on the hotel room door, again but there was still no answer. "Come on Reid, open up!" He pounded on the door with a little more force.<p>

"Morgan?" Hotch approached. "What's going on?"

"It's Reid, he won't open his door and I can't get him to answer his phone." Morgan replied.

Hotch studied him. "I know things got_ heated_ last night, but we can't deal with that right now. We have only a small window before this killer will strike again."

"I know Hotch," Morgan voice was sharp. "I know that. He knows that, but he won't answer me."

"You head to the police station, I am going to get the key from the front desk and I will deal with him." Hotch ordered.

"Look…" Morgan began.

"Morgan, go." Hotch replied sternly. "I will deal with him." Morgan huffed away as Hotch made his way to the front desk.

"Hello," the desk clerk greeted him. "What can I do for you this morning?"

"Yes," Hotch flashed his badge. "I'm SSA Hotchner and I need the key to room 7." The desk clerk studied him for a moment then produced the key. "Thank you."

"Reid?" Hotch entered the room. "Reid," he called again, but the room was empty. The first thing Hotch noticed was that the bed had not been slept in. The second thing he noticed was Reid had left his message bag on the bed. Hotch didn't even think before he dumped the contents of the bag on the bed. There was a book on managing migraines, a pair of sunglasses, his cell phone, other odd and ends, and then he found what he was looking for, a bottle of pills. Hotch studied the label and it surprised him. Hotch pocketed the prescription bottle and placed everything else back in the bag.

Hotch made his way back to the front desk and returned the key. "The man that is staying in room 7 is one of my agents. Did you see him?"

"Not today," the man answered. "He came and went last night."

"What time was that? Hotch asked.

Morgan found Prentiss and Seaver seated at a desk in the middle of the police station. Rossi stood studying the board that was covered with crime scene photos. "Good morning," Prentiss said, not even looking up from the file she was reading.

"Where's Reid?" Seaver asked.

"I don't know," Morgan replied seating himself at the table. "He wouldn't answer his door this morning."

Rossi turned away from the board, "He might just want some space. We did kind of accuse him last night."

"Wait," Emily chimed in. "What?"

Morgan sighed, "Look, I may have asked Reid if he was…on something." He rubbed his hand over his face roughly.

"You what?" Emily threw her file on the table. "How on earth did you think that was a good idea?"

"What are you talking about?" Seaver asked.

"Look," Morgan tried to defend himself, completely ignoring Seaver's confused looks, "We were talking last night and things just went down that road. Don't tell me you haven't noticed his moods lately, his disheveled appearance. I've been waiting to find a time to ask him since Miami. We all care about him too much for us to let him do that to himself, again."

Prentiss was about to speak when Hotch entered the room. "Reid's gone." Hotch announced. "The desk clerk said he left his room a bit before 1:00am. Morgan and Prentiss I want you to head west and Rossi and I will take east. He couldn't have gone far and someone must have seen him. Seaver, you stay here in case he comes here. Meet back here in 15 minutes and call me if you find anything."

"He could just be out for a walk," Seaver suggested.

"We've been in this situation before," Hotch looked at his team, "I'm not taking that chance."

With that the team was gone, leaving Seaver alone in the middle of the police station.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

* * *

><p>"So, it's after midnight is this small town." Morgan asked as he placed his sunglasses on his face. "Where do you think he went?"<p>

"Well," Prentiss replied, "If I were Reid, I would probably want some coffee."

"Right, so the diner?" Morgan suggested.

"It's either that or a beer at the local bar." Prentiss pointed out.

"Diner", they replied in unison.

"After you," Prentiss gestured with her hand for him to lead the way.

They entered the busy diner filled with truckers as they passed through the small town. "Excuse me," Morgan tried to get the attention of one of the waitresses but she passed him without stopping. "Excuse me," He tried again with another.

"Be with you a minute!" She replied.

"Excuse me ma'am," Prentiss showed to badge to the waitress, "We're with the FBI and we need to ask you a few questions." The passing waitress stopped.

"Sorry, we are a little short handed this morning." She looked anxious to get back to work.

"We'll be quick." Prentiss promised.

"Have you seen this man recently?" Morgan asked as he showed her a photo of Reid on his IPAD. "He would have been here a little before 1:00am."

"No, but I've only been here since 7:30." She eyed her tables.

"Is there anyone here who was working last night?" Moran asked.

"No, Olivia was the only one here when I left last night at 9:00 and she was supposed to be pulling a double this morning, but I got called in to cover her shift."

"What about the cook?" Morgan asked.

"He got off at 6:00 his name is John West, now can I get back to work?"

"Thank you," Prentiss licked her lips. "Ok, let's go find John West."

They were making their way out of the diner when another waitress stopped them. "Sorry, I overheard you asking about an FBI agent," she handed them the files Reid had left behind the night before.

"I found these when I got here this morning. They were lying on a table; I was planning on bringing them to the police station when I got off work later today."

"Thank you," Morgan looked at Prentiss. "At least we know he was here, but why would he leave these?"

"We really need to talk to that cook and see what he knows." Prentiss replied.

"I'll call Garcia and get his address; you call Hotch and tell him what we know so far." Morgan hit the speed dial.

* * *

><p>"Ok Prentiss, call me after you talk to the cook. We will meet you back at the police station." With that he hung up the phone. "Reid was at the dinner last night. He left the case files there, they are going to talk to the cook and one of the waitresses is missing."<p>

"Why would he leave the case files?" Rossi asked as they headed back towards the police station.

"I don't know." Hotch replied. "We need to get some uniforms out on the streets looking for Reid."

"About what happened last night," Rossi began.

"Dave," Hotch stopped him, "I found these in his room." He passed the prescription bottle over.

"Rizatriptan," Rossi looked up. "That's not a narcotic, what's it for?"

"Migraines," Hotch took the bottle back and placed it in his pocket.

Rossi shook his head, "Wow, now I _really_ feel like an ass."

"We all were thinking the same thing," Hotch replied. "I probably would have approached the subject a little differently than the two of you did."

* * *

><p>It was dark and Reid was faintly aware that he was restrained. His head was pounding and his neck was aching. He had no idea where he was or how he had ended up there. A thin stream of light was coming from somewhere. He rolled himself over to his side, he felt someone stir beside him.<p>

"Hello?" He called. There was a soft moan, and then Reid remembered the events in the dinner. "Olivia?"

"Who's there?" Her voice was timid and shaking.

"It's Spencer," he replied. "Are you bound too?"

"What happened?" She asked confused.

"I'm not sure, are you tied up?" He asked again.

"Yes."

"Listen to me," Reid began. "Stay calm."

Reid followed the sounds of the footsteps as they drew closer. There was a door opened and he was blinded by the bright sun light. Reid's eyes quickly studied his surroundings. They were in the back of a tracker trailer, but he couldn't see the face of the man at the door. The sun was too bright behind his face for him to discern his features. It wasn't until he spoke that he knew who it was.

"Get up," he ordered.

"Listen to me," Reid began. "This is not the way to go about this."

"Shut up!" He screamed. "Get up or I will shoot you right now!"

"All right," Reid stated calmly. "It won't be easy with these restraints." Reid tried to push himself into a sitting position but he wasn't going fast enough. The man climbed into the bed of the tracker trailer and roughly pulled Reid to his feet.

"Move," the man motioned for Reid to move with the gun. Reid moved toward the open door, realizing it was his own gun being shoved into his face. Olivia was still lying on the floor, curled into a tight ball.

"Get up!" The man kicked Olivia in the stomach.

"Hey!" Reid shouted, "Stop it!"

"She murdered my brother!" The man turned to Reid.

"I know Sean! She will pay for what she's done. This is not the way to do this!" Reid tried to calm him down.

"NO!" He shouted. "I heard what you said in the dinner. You were going to protect her!" Sean pushed Reid out of the tracker trail and he hit the ground, hard, knocking the wind out of him.

* * *

><p>Garcia felt terrible that she was sneaking her way around Reid's medical records. "It seems that our boy wonder has seen at least 3 different doctors." Her fingers danced over the key board. "He has been taking a few different Triptans which are used to constrict blood vessels in the brain and relieve swelling. He tried a different one every 2 weeks until a month ago when he started taking Rizatriptan."<p>

"How long Garcia?" Hotch asked.

"It seems his first visit took place right before your trip to Miami, but that doesn't tell me how long he's been having them." She replied.

"That was almost 4 months ago." Hotch watched as Morgan and Prentiss entered the police station. "Thanks Garcia, we'll keep you posted." He approached his agents, "What did you find out?"

"Well, West said Reid was sitting at a booth for about an hour, but he was gone when he came back in from smoking a cigarette out back, so was the waitress. West has no prior record, he's clean according to Garcia."

"Who was the waitress?" Rossi asked.

"Her name is Olivia Lawrence. We went by her apartment, but it was empty." Prentiss explained.

"Isn't she the girl who brought us our food 2 nights ago?" Seaver chimed in.

"I think you're right," Rossi thought back. "She talked with Reid for a few minutes I think."

"What do we know about her?" Hotch questioned the group.

"I'll get Garcia on it," Morgan dialed and waited. "Baby girl."

"What can I do?" Garcia did use a usual pet name, she was dwn to business.

"I need you to run a name for me." Morgan replied, not feeling the slightest bit hurt about no witty banter back and forth. No time for small talk when Reid was missing. "Olivia Lawrence."

He waited patiently as Garcia's fingers did their magic dance over the keys and placed the call on speaker. "OK, I have an Olivia Lawrence born Dec 12, 1983 in Memphis, Tennessee. No father listed on the birth certificate, but mother Mary Lawrence was arrested 4 times for solicitation, was in and out of the hospital for broken bones, a few concussions. They moved to Alabama in 1987. Oh," Garcia gasped. "Mother was found in a dumpster in 1993, she had been beaten to death."

The feeling in Morgan's stomach grew worse. "What happened to Olivia after that?"

"OK," Garcia switched screens, "She was bounced from foster home to foster home for about a year until she ended up with the Connors family where she stayed until she turned 18." Garcia followed her tax records, "Looks like she has worked a number of odd jobs, moved around a bit for a few years in her early 20's. She spent 1 year at a community college before she finally settled down in Alabama where she has worked at Angel's Diner for the past 3 years. No criminal record. She pays her taxes and volunteers at the animal shelter in town."

"Garcia," Prentiss chimed in. "What about the foster family, the Connors, any record of abuse?"

"Not for Olivia," Garcia explained. "There were a number of other girls that filed complaints again John Connors, the father, but nothing ever stuck. He was an alcoholic, his wife Maria was in and out of the hospital as well, but no complaints were ever filed against him for that." Garcia paused, pulling up his death certificate. "Oh."

"Garcia?" Hotch's voice was stern and pushing.

"Um, sir, it seems that he died in 2001 from an apparent poisoning from a black widow."

"It has to be her." Seaver piped in.

"Can you track her phone?" Rossi asked.

"Its current location is Angel's Diner." Garcia said disappointedly.

"Why would she take Reid?" Prentiss pointed to the crime scene photos.

"He doesn't fit the victimology," Seaver joined Prentiss, "He's not like these men."

"Reid figured out it was her?" Morgan offered. "He was at the dinner with the case files. She panics, tries to cover her tracks."

"Maybe," Rossi thought out loud, "But I don't think she is confrontational enough to take down an armed FBI agent, even Reid. Think about it, she killed all those men by poisoning them with venom from a Black widow. She didn't restrain them; they were all unaware that it had even happened until it was too late."

"They all died in different locations, some in the hospital, she doesn't watch them suffer." Seaver pointed out.

"So if she didn't take Reid, who did?" Morgan asks.

"And where is she?" Rossi asked.

"Garcia, see if you can find a connection to Olivia Lawrence with any of the friends and family of the victims." Hotch ordered.

"Yes, sir, I will call you as soon as I find something." She hung up and went to work.

"Seaver and Prentiss I want you to interview anyone who knows Olivia, just in case she did take Reid; we need to know where she might take him." Hotch turned to Rossi, "We need to take a look at the dinner, see if we can profile which way they might have gone."

"I'll go help the local officers canvas the area." Morgan headed out.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Reid awoke with his chin resting on his chest; he was upright and each arm was tied to the arm of a desk chair. He took a deep breath and instantly regretted it, positive that some of his ribs were bruised if not broken. The pounding in his head had not eased, he wasn't sure if he had a migraine or a concussion. Not that the distinction really mattered, it hurt either way. He raised his head to find that he was in what looked like a factory, an abandoned one. There was heavy machinery all around, covered with a thick layer of dust and grim. Sun light streamed in through the large bay windows at the top of the room. As his eyes scanned the room they fell upon Olivia, who was tied in the same position across the room from him.

"Olivia," he called softly. She stirred slightly. "Olivia," he called again. Her head shot up, her eyes wide.

"What's happening?" She wiped her head around, "What are we doing here?"

"Listen," His voice was steady and calm, "We are going to get out of this, ok, my team will find us."

"Oh god," Her face screwed up as the tears began to fall. "This is all my fault. He's going to kill me because of what I did."

"Listen," Reid tried to reason with her. "I've been in this situation before, my team will find me."

"No!" She cried, "He's going to kill you too because of me! You don't deserve this! I do!" Her body shook with sobs. "This is all my fault. I should have just killed myself instead of telling you what I did." Her voice trailed off at the end.

"You're right!" The voice startled both of them. Sean appeared with a bag hung over his shoulder. "You are going to die for what you did to my brother and you deserve it." His voice was cold.

"Sean," Reid's voice was still calm and steady, trying not to provoke him. "Look, I know what you must be feeling, but you can't do this."

"You know how I fell huh?" He chuckled. "Did a crazy psycho bitch kill your brother, your only family in the world?" Reid didn't have an answer. "That's what I thought."

"You are acting on your emotions, there are going to be consequences for what you've done." Reid looked his straight in the eyes.

"No one is going to know." He slung the bag down, sending a puff of dirt and dusk smoke up into the air. "All the police will know is that Olivia killed you and then herself, out of guilt. It will all be in her note." He showed a handwritten note while Olivia was quietly crying, biting her bottom lip.

Reid watched as Sean pulled items from his bag. A taser gun which must have been what he used to knock them both out, now Reid understood the pain in his neck. His breath caught in his chest when he watched Sean remove a small plastic container, with a number of black widows inside.

Sean paused a moment, "You know, I always thought you were kind of sweet," His eyes darted to Olivia, "You were this dumb girl, who never went out on dates because you couldn't get 'em." His eyes hardened. "Who knew you were a heartless killer. My brother was a good man," He rose and approached her. His hand struck her quickly. "He never did anything to you!" Her head snapped back, a thin trickled of blood trailed down her lip.

"He didn't do it to her!" Reid cried out, before thinking.

"What did you say?" Sean's head turned to him.

"He, ah, he," Reid worded the sentence carefully. "Look, your brother hurt another woman."

Sean covered the distance between him and Reid quickly. "You're a liar!" He punched Reid square in the jaw.

Reid's head snapped back, but he kept going. "All those men hurt women; they did terrible things to them." Sean's nose flared with anger, his fists pounded into Reid's chest, causing him to cry out when he heard an audible crack. His rib was defiantly broken now. He gasped for breath.

"You shut up!" Sean was yelling, but Reid's brain couldn't focus through the pain. "You're going first!" He spit out. Reid's eyes were clinched shut and they didn't open again until he felt Sean standing in front of him. He watched as Sean shook the plastic container, agitating the spiders within. Once he was sure they were good and angry, he dumped a few on Reid's exposed forearm.

"Please don't do this," Reid tried to stay as still as possible, but Sean ensured that they would bite him. He felt the sting and winced. Once, twice, and a third time; he could see the small red marks starting to form as the spiders scurried up his arm. Sean used his gloved hands to scoop them back into the plastic container. He approached Olivia, who seemed to have closed off her mind to what was happening, she didn't even flinch when he dumped all the spiders onto her. Reid counted at least 8 spiders; she didn't make a sound as they bit her again and again. Sean just stared at her. "You are going to feel the same pain my brother felt. You are going to die for what you did." He threw the empty container into his bag, not even bothering to gather the spiders up.

"Please, Sean," Reid began again, "There is still time. If you kill a Federal Agent there will be no hope for you."

Sean laughed. "No one is going to know it was me!"

"You see that's where you're wrong." Reid's mouth was set in a hard line. "My team is going to know that this wasn't Olivia's doing. It's all wrong. She never restrained her victims." Reid raised his hands in an attempt to prove him point. "I don't fit her pattern. I'm not like the men she killed."

"That's doesn't matter," Sean yelled.

"Everything matters when it comes to profilers." Reid tried to explain. "They are going to study that note and compare the handwriting and know it's not hers." Sean's face seemed to fall for only an instant.

"Fine," Sean bit back, "No, note. I will just have to come back and untie you after you are sick enough you can't fight back. That way when they find your bodies, no one will know there was a third person here." Sean seemed satisfied with his new plan. "I'll be back in a bit." He left without another word.

"Can anybody hear me?" Reid shouted. "Help!"

Reid tried for a few minutes before Olivia's quiet voice said, "No one can hear you. This factory is far off the road and no one comes out here, it's been abandoned for years."

Reid struggled against the ropes on his wrist and legs. "You should conserve your energy," she stated blankly. "The poison moves through you faster if your adrenaline is up." Reid, of course, knew this, but he just couldn't sit and wait to die.

"For what it's worth," She began, "I'm sorry for this."

"Olivia," Reid looked at her.

"I'm going to die," she said flatly. "I have been bitten over a dozen times and the poison is moving quickly."

"Why did you do it?" Reid wanted to keep her talking.

"It doesn't matter now," She replied.

"It does to me. I'm a profiler; I want to know what happened. What happened to you?" Reid provoked. "What did those men do?"

It took her a minute to answer him. "After my mother died, I went to a few different foster homes, until I ended up with 2 other girls. I was there for 8 years. He would come for me, for us, almost every night. I only told one person what he did to me." She paused. "If you ever told he would punish you…"

"How?" Reid prompted.

"He wouldn't come for me, he would come for one of the other girls and he would punish you by making you watch." She gritted her teeth, "He would make you listen to their cries and pleads." Her eyes began to flutter, the poison was moving quickly through her system. "You know we all had to go to church and pretend that life was wonderful and that we were so thankful to be in his home. He thought he had everyone fooled, but they all knew. How could they not? And they did nothing! He beat his wife! He beat her something awful! He almost killed her." She remembered the day she ran into the woods, trying to escape her cries. "That's when I found them."

Reid studied her face; he could tell that her mind was far from that dirty factory. There was a low ache growing in his joints. "The spiders?"

"They were there, in their beautiful web." She shuttered. "I sat there for a long time, just watching. They were so beautiful." She sat quietly for a while her head bobbing slightly.

"Olivia," Reid prompted, but she didn't answer him. "Olivia!" He shouted. Her head shot back up. "What did you do with the spiders? Tell me."

"The last time he came for me, he was drunk…" Her thoughts were coming in fuzzy. "He passed out, and I made the spider bite him." She frowned. "He slept through the whole thing. By the time he woke up it was too late. He died in that house, and he had no idea I had killed him. Nobody did." She looked at Reid, "You're the first person I've ever told." She paused, "He wasn't a good person. You're a good person. You catch killers like me." Her head began to bob again, "I killed him, and I killed you too. He's right, I do deserve to die."

"Olivia, don't talk like that?" Reid tried to speak, but she cut him off.

"Why do you care about me? You don't know me! You are going to die because of me." She didn't understand.

Reid thought for a moment. Even though she had killed nearly a dozen men, he felt for her, he understood why she did what she did. He was trained to relate, to profile. "I'm not saying that killing another human being is ok, because it's not…" He paused, "I've killed before."

Olivia's mouth opened but she made no attempt to speak.

"The first man I killed had taken a number of innocent people hostages. He was armed and planned on killing them all. I…shot him; he was dead before he hit the floor. It took a while before it hit me, but when it did I felt I didn't deserve to live. " Reid licked his lips, "The second man was very confused, and he was living as 3 people in his mind. In his head, he couldn't control his actions." Reid skipped over the part where he was being held captive, "He had murdered innocent men and women that he deemed to be sinners. He was going to kill me, so I had to shoot him." Reid remembered the fear in his chest when he pointed the gun, praying that the bullet was in the chamber as Hankel rushed him with that knife. "You claim I am a good man, but I have killed."

"You were protecting those people. You were protecting yourself." Olivia still wasn't convinced that Reid should care what happened to her.

"Maybe, I don't deserve to live," Reid said honestly.


	4. Chapter 4

author's note: I am glad you are all enjoying the story. This chapter isn't as long as the others, but still a good one I think. Did anyone else laugh at the side line run Rossi did at the end of last night's episode or was that just me?

Chapter 4

Garcia watched the surveillance video for the 10th time, she wanted to make sure before she called Hotch. Now that she was, she listened to the phone ring before she heard her boss's gruff voice on the other end. "What do you have Garcia?"

"Ok, I used my all mighty powers to scrounge through any and all surveillance footage from the local PD to see if I could find anything useful. Long story short, there was a tracker trailer that passed the Police station at 2:47am. It was coming from the direction of the diner. I only got a partial plate which I am running now."

"Garcia, working with the idea that Olivia l did not take Reid; I want you to cross reference whatever you get with the family members of all the victims. See what you come up with."

"Yes, sir," and with that the line went dead.

* * *

><p>Reid's eyes popped open; he hadn't even realized they were closed. He tried to move his head slightly, to find the source of what woke him. Every muscle in his body seemed to scream in protest as his head moved just a fraction of an inch. He could tell it was later in the day by the difference in the light coming through the windows; he just wasn't sure how much time had passed. He couldn't see much in the dim light, but he could hear something. Someone was moving towards him from the shadows.<p>

"Hello?" He voice was barely above a whisper. He was hopeful that someone was here to save him, that his team had figured it all out and that they would be all right. He was sadly disappointed when he saw  
>the familiar flannel fabric of Sean's shirt.<p>

"Don't get excited," He barked, "It's just me."

Reid's heart sank. 'Well, this is it' he thought to himself. 'He is going to kill me.' He watched as Sean walked to where Olivia was tied to the chair opposite him. Reid's eyes followed silently as Sean cut  
>the ropes that bound her hands and feet. He threw her limp body to the dusty ground, but no sound escape her lips. Reid's chest tightened, he was so tired, and he knew he had no strength to fight him. His eyes focused as Sean approached him. Sean raised the gun at Reid, "It's time".<p>

* * *

><p>"Go ahead baby girl," Morgan placed the phone on the table and leaned against the back of one of the chairs surrounding the table at the police station.<p>

"OK, from what I could get from the partial plate and cross referencing the victim's families I came up with Sean Masterson. He is a long haul trucker and brother to victim number 5 Casey Masterson. Now Casey was a person of interest in a rape case a few counties over but the rape victim withdrew the charges a few days later and he walked away clean."

"How did Olivia Lawrence know them?" Rossi asked, crossing his arms.

"They have lived here their entire lives and were both frequent customers to the Angel's Dinner for years." Garcia supplied.

"Ok, Garcia, hold tight for a minute." Hotch ordered then turned to the team. "Ok, he somehow finds out Olivia killed Casey and he wants revenge for his brother's death. Reid gets got in the cross fire. What then?"

"Well, he might take them some place secluded." Prentiss offered. "He will want to make her pay for what she did."

"He wouldn't want to get it over with quickly?" Seaver asked. "Hide the bodies and skip town?"

"He might," Rossi replied, "But anger and revenge can make people not think straight."

"OK, Garcia, I want you to start searching for buildings in the area, ones that have been abandoned or condemned. Limit your search to the town and surrounding areas only. We are operating under the assumption that he wouldn't have gone far. Seaver I want you to talk with the sheriff and find out if there is any place secluded where Sean Masters might take them."

* * *

><p>The sheriff looked up when he heard the knock on the open door frame. The young blond FBI agent was peering in at him. He held up his finger as he spoke into the phone, "Ok, well, just get as many of our guys out as you can, I don't want them spread too thin. Thanks Hank." He hung up the phone and stood. "We are trying to set up road blocks, but we have too many back roads that lead out of town to cover them all. I'm afraid we don't have the man power for a search and rescue like this."<p>

Seaver smiled, "We appreciate all your help."

"What can I do for you?" He asked, pointed to the empty seat across from his desk and he resumed his.

"We believe that a man by the name of Sean Masterson might have taken them."

"Sean?" The sheriff's eyebrows shot up.

"You seem surprised," Seaver watched his face.

"Well, Sean has always been a good boy. He was going to go to school on a football scholarship but he busted up his knee in senior year. He started driving trucks with his brother, are you sure?" He asked.

"We're pretty sure. Is there any place nearby that is secluded, away from the road where Sean might take them? A place he would feel comfortable with?"

"Well," he sighed, "There are a few places he might go."

"What was the first one that came to your mind?" Seaver prompted.

"There is an old factory out on the edge of town. He might have gone there, I have to run the young kids out of there every once in a while."

"Ok," Seaver rose, "Thank you, we'll start there."

* * *

><p>The black SUV bounced hard on the rough gravel as it tore down the country road. Emily eyed Morgan from the passenger seat. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were<br>white.

"We're going to get to him," She said softly.

"I know," He barked. Emily bit her lip. "Listen," he replied a little softer. "I can't let the last thing that kid heard from me be the words that came out of my mouth last night." Seaver watched silently  
>from the back seat.<p>

"Morgan," She began, "We don't even know if he's hurt…"

"Emily," Morgan looked at her. "This is Reid we're talking about, trouble always finds him." They didn't say another word until they approached the building. They climbed out of the vehicle and met  
>Rossi and Hotch as their SUV approached.<p>

"There's Masterson's Ridge," Hotch pointed to the left side of the building. "Prentiss and Morgan you go together at this end. Proceed with caution." They bolted towards the building. "Dave, you  
>and Seaver take the second level, with the open floor plan you should be able to get a good view from up there. I'm going to take some uniforms and cover the front."<p>

Rossi and Seaver entered the building with guns drawn making their way quickly up the flight of stairs. The only light that aided their search was what was streaming through the dirty windows above and their flash lights. Seaver tried to focus as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. She and Rossi scanned the area below, but they couldn't see much. Broken equipment and boxes block most of their view. As they moved farther down the building Seaver spotted a crosswalk. She motioned to Rossi who quickly followed her lead. The crosswalk presented them with a better view. They could see Hotch and the uniforms approaching from the front of the building, and they could see Morgan and Emily making their way through the stacks of boxes and scattered furniture.

Seaver took and instinctive look down and a small gasp escaped her lips. Rossi followed her eyes and he quickly radioed the others. There were 3 prone figures on the ground beneath them. In the dim light she could see a pool of blood surrounding one.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

><p>Morgan got to him first; he was lying on his stomach, next to Olivia, clasping her hand.<p>

"Reid!" his tone was urgent as he rolled him onto his back. "Reid, come on man look at me." Reid's only response was a low moan. Dust and dirt was caked to the blood that covered the side of his face.

Prentiss was barking orders through the radio to get the medics in here fast. Hotch arrived with the police and they cleared the other bodies.

"Sheriff," Hotch turned to him, "Is this man Sean Masterson?" careful not to step in the pool of blood surrounding him.

"Yeah, that's him," he pointed to Olivia, "and that's Olivia Lawrence."

"Morgan?" Reid's voice was small.

"Hey, man." Morgan smiled, "We found you." Reid's eyes seemed to be unfocused as they closed and opened sporadically. "Stay with me man." He pulled Reid's hand free of Olivia's grasp and held it tight. There were angry red whelps up his hands and forearms. "Reid, what happened?"

Reid swallowed hard and tired to focus on Morgan's face. "You… I won't be doing your paper work today…."

Morgan squeezed his hand a little harder, "Reid, listen to me. Stay with me here. What happened?"

"Olivia is the unsub…"He turned his head in the direction he remembered her being. "…he poisoned her …."He turned his head back to Morgan. "I think …the sun is hot…" He swallowed again.

"Hotch," Morgan looked up, "Something's wrong. He's all confused." He pulled up his sleeve to show him the red whelps on his arm.

Hotch knelt down next to him and examined Reid's arm. "I think he may have been bitten."

"Those are black widow bites?" Prentiss gasped.

"I think so, it makes sense. That was his revenge," Hotch pointed to Olivia. "I'm sure we will find them on her body as well."

"He wanted her to feel the pain his brother felt." Rossi said as he approached.

"How far away is the closets hospital?" Prentiss asked. "If those are black widow bites, he is going to need help fast. We don't know how long ago he was bitten."

"They will have to take him to the county hospital," The Sherriff supplied, "They are the only ones with the antivenin. It's not something they have on hand at every hospital."

"How far away are we talking?" Morgan asked.

"It's a least an hour away if they book it." The Sherriff sighed.

"Damn it, that's cutting it close," Rossi barked.

Emily knelt next to Olivia's body and carefully examined her arms. "I count at least a dozen bites here." She jumped back with a yelp.

"You ok?" Rossi asked,

"Yeah," She shook her head, "There was a black widow hiding in her shirt." She sighed as she backed away from the body. "She's still warm. I'd say she was still alive an hour ago."

"All right, everyone be careful," Hotch ordered. "Finally!" He could see the two paramedics approaching.

"Excuse me sir," The two paramedics pushed their way through to Reid. Morgan reluctantly moved away, but he didn't move far.

"He's been bitten by a black widow, we don't know how long it has been." Hotch began.

"Sir, can you tell me your name?" The paramedic knelt next to Reid and opened his kit.

"My name is Spencer," he answered quietly. They set about checking his vitals as they asked him routine questions. He was having a little difficulty breathing so they placed an oxygen mask over his face.

"What about those two?" One of the paramedics asked indicating the other two bodies.

"No need." Hotch answered blankly.

The man nodded as he added another piece of tap to the IV in Reid's arm. Reid cried out when the paramedic pushed on his chest. "Sorry, it seems you have a few broken or bruised ribs." They gave him a once over and decided it was safe to move him.

They got him on the back board and carried him outside. Morgan didn't leave his side as they loaded him into the ambulance. There was an unspoken understanding with the rest of the team that HE was riding with him.

"We'll meet you at the Hospital when we are done here." Hotch stood at the back of the ambulance. "Call us if anything happens." Morgan nodded as Hotch handed him Reid's prescription. "The doctor may need to know about these."

"Please call Garcia; she will be more than pissed if someone doesn't let her know we found him." Morgan asked.

"I'll take care of it." Hotch assured him and closed the ambulance doors.

* * *

><p>Morgan watched silently as the paramedic check his vitals periodically on the ambulance ride. Reid's whimpers of discomfort were like a stab to the heart.<p>

"Hey Mike, I need you to step on it." The paramedic said. "He's not doing too good."

"Is he all right?" Morgan asked.

"I don't know." He had answered honestly. "His blood pressure is getting pretty high and his heart rate is increasing." Reid had begun to moan and his body was covered in a thin layer of sweat.

"Reid," Morgan moved closer, "Reid, can you hear me? Reid, come on. Please open your eyes." He was surprised when he realized that his eyes were open and they were staring right at him. The paramedic moved closer when Reid mumbled something.

"Sir?" The paramedic pulled the oxygen mask down so Reid could talk.

"..hurts.." Reid chocked out.

"What hurts, sir?" The paramedic asked.

"My chest," Reid replied. He began to cough; the paramedic replaced the oxygen mask.

"Try and take even breaths, sir. Not too deeply." The paramedic adjusted the cold compresses he had placed on the spider bites.

"I'm going to be sick," Reid stated urgently, pulling the oxygen mask from his face. He rolled to his side as he vomited on the ambulance floor. The paramedic grabbed a bag as he continued to vomit. Morgan held his shoulder firmly; felling his muscles tighten with each heave. There were tears starting to form in Reid's eyes as he mumbled something.

"What did he say?" The paramedic asked.

"Reid," Morgan leaned closer. "What did you say?"

"…horses.." Reid's eyes remained closed as he repeated the word.

"What is he talking about?" The paramedic asked.

"I have no idea," Morgan shook his head, "What about horses?"

"…horses… they make them sick….to…the horses…." Reid's eyes flickered open. "Morgan, the horses…" His eyes closed again, and this time they didn't open.

* * *

><p>Emily slowly walked around the two bodies, making mental notes in her head. Seaver simply stood and stared at the spot where Reid had been laying. She had never seen someone looks so pale before.<p>

"Seaver," Emily's voice pulled her from her thoughts. "Come over here for a minute."

"Yeah?" she moved closer, Rossi following her.

"Ok, take a look and tell me what you think happened here." Emily commanded softly, trying to distract her.

Seaver took a deep breath, "Well, Reid and Olivia were both restrained, Masterson poisons them. At some point Olivia is dropped on the floor, you can tell by the disturbance in the dust on the floor." She paused, "Reid is also on the ground, here," She moved a little to the left, Emily moved to meet her.

"Ok," She stoops to the ground. "I'm Reid. Rossi you be Masterson. Where is he?"

Seaver pulled Rossi to where she thought Masterson had stood. He places his feet in the foot prints on the floor, "He stood here, aims at Reid?" Rossi raised his arms and aimed in Emily's direction. "He wants to take out Reid first, because he is not as weakened by the poison as Olivia?" She asks.

"Good," Emily prompts her again. "Then what?"

Seaver studied the floor, "He has his back to Olivia, and probably thinks she's too far gone to pay much attention. That was his mistake, Olivia uses this broken pipe," She pointed to the pipe on the ground. "The Sherriff said Masterson had an old knee injury, she probably knew about it. She strikes him here," She points to Rossi's leg. "He goes down and they struggle for the gun. It goes off." She studied the floor again and moved to Olivia's body. "It looks like Reid crawled over to her, she saved him."

Emily moved to stand next to Olivia, "She died here, and he held her hand the whole time."

* * *

><p>The ER doors burst open as they rushed Reid through. "We have a 26 year old male with a possible concussion, broken ribs, and multiple black widow bites to his hands and forearms. We aren't sure how long ago it was, at least over 3 hours we can safely assume. His symptoms include vomiting, fever, chest pains, muscle pains, confusion, and his pressure has risen to 142 over 92." The paramedic spouted off as the doctor approached. "We've given him 1 liter of saline and he became unresponsive about 20 minutes ago."<p>

"Is this the FBI agent the police radioed in about?" He asked as he examined Reid's eyes.

"Yes," Morgan stepped closer. "He's on my team."

"All right, sir if he allergic to any medication?"

"No," Morgan supplied.

"Has he ever been bitten by a black widow before or a rattle snake?"

"No, I don't think so…" Morgan looked at him.

"Does he smoke or drink?"

"No on the smoking, he has a drink occasionally."

"Is he taking any medications?"

Morgan reached into his pocket and handed him the bottle. "He's been taking these."

"Any history of illness in his family?" he studied the label.

"His mother is schizophrenic," Morgan supplied, feeling awful he was talking about Reid that way. He was such a private person.

"All right, thank you."

"Is he going to be ok?" Morgan pleaded.

The doctor pointed towards the waiting room. "I'm going to need you to step out." Morgan began to protest, but he was shot down. "I need you out; please we will update you when we can." He pulled his stethoscope around his ears and began listening to Reid's chest.

Morgan stepped outside the door and watched as the ER staff buzzed around Reid. They removed his dusty and dirty clothes and covered him with a sheet. Morgan was shocked at how thin and frail he looked. Reid had obviously lost some weight and he could see the deep bruises on his chest. They poked and prodded and shown lights, checking his blood pressure and temperature yet again.

"Ok, he is going to need the antivenin, he hasn't been bitten too many times for us to just treat the symptoms," The doctor barked orders to the nurses, "I want you to perform a skin test, I don't want him to have an allergic reaction to the antivenin. Keep rotating out the cold compressions every 10 minutes. I also want to push ACE inhibitors. We have to get his blood pressure down before he has a heart attack."

One of the other nurses noticed Morgan watching from outside the hall. "Please sir, go to the waiting room."

With many protests and gnashing of teeth, Morgan walked the short distance to the ER waiting room and slumped himself into a chair. He leaned his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. Reid had to make it through this. He had to, if for nothing else just so Morgan could apologize to him. How could he have said those things to Reid, in the middle of the police station no less? He and Rossi had exchanged glances when Reid had returned from the restroom, his messenger bag clutched in his hands. Morgan had thought Reid has slipped, that he was using again. His behavior had given him every indication he thought he needed that would justify the confrontation. He was wrong. Morgan had let his emotions lead his tongue. The look of absolute and utter betrayal in Reid's eyes didn't cause Morgan to falter as he barred into Reid.

"You ok kid?" Morgan threw the file on the table as Reid set himself down.

"Yeah," Reid answered quickly, "You guys want to look at the geographical profile again?"

"Don't give me that crap. How can you do this to yourself again? To us?" Reid's body visible jerked.

"What are you talking about?" He was so confused.

"Look," Morgan began, "You can't hide it from us. We know all you little tricks from the last time we went through this. We see you every time you sneak off to the bathroom with you bag, we see you coming in late, looking like you haven't slept in days. Not to mention what happened in Miami. This isn't just about you, you know? When you do this to yourself it affects all of us, the whole team."

Understanding showed in his eyes as the implications of Morgan's words sunk in. "What are you trying to say?" His words were cold and biting.

"You know what I'm talking about." Morgan bit back.

Reid's face faltered as he let out a small chuckle.

"This isn't funny; we are trying to help you." Rossi had said as he leaned against the table. "This is hard for us too."

"Ha," Reid laughed. "Yeah I bet it was really hard for you to decide that right here, in the police station, filled with people was the _perfect_ time to accuse me of using again. I'm going back to the hotel." He pulled himself to his feet and began to leave. He spun on his feet, "You know, if you guys really cared about me, you would have figured out what was_ REALLY_ going on with me." He was almost yelling.

"Reid," Morgan began "Calm down."

"No," Reid shouted back, "You picked this venue, not me. Don't get embarrassed that it didn't go the way you hoped."

"Listen man," Morgan rose from his chair, "It's not like our concerns are coming out of left field. I know what this job can do to a person. It's not completely unbelievable that you would have slipped!"

"Go to hell!" Reid shouted as he stormed out of the police station, passing Hotch as he left.

Morgan was going to go after him, but Hotch stopped him. "I think he needs some air."

Morgan's stomach was in knots as he stared at the ER waiting room floor. It was a cold, gray color. Reid was right. If they had stopped to find out what was really going on with him, they probably wouldn't' be in this situation. Morgan ran his hand over his face. Reid was probably terrified. He had been having these migraines for months, and no one had been there to help him. Given his mother's history, Reid was probably convinced he was going crazy. How could they have not seen?

"Agent Morgan?" Morgan's head snapped up as the nurse approached. "We need your help."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Author's note: I am glad you guys are enjoying the story and all the reviews are appreciated. Sorry if you got attached to Olivia. Like is said, sometimes they die in the end. I know things got heated between Morgan and Reid in Chapter 5 and it may not seem believable for Morgan to say those things. That's what fan fiction is for anyway, right? I don't think Morgan would EVER say anything like that to Reid, just bare with me until the end and I hope to not disappoint.

Also, can only tell someone so much, so some of what happens in this chapter may not be completely accurate. I did try to do as much research as possible, but I am NOT a doctor :)

* * *

><p>Seaver rolled the window down allowing the fresh air to fill her lungs. Rossi studied her from the driver's seat. They were on their way to the hospital, following Hotch and Prentiss in another SUV. "You want me to turn up the AC?"<p>

"Oh," Seaver shrugged, "No thanks, I just wanted some fresh air." She rolled the window up until it was just cracked.

"You ok?" Rossi peered at her.

"Yeah," She sighed. "It's just…" She began.

"It's just what?" Rossi prompted.

"I feel like I am in the dark about something big," She paused. "I know about having a dark past. I know about having secrets, and I would never ask you to betray Reid's trust. If you feel like you can tell me what happened, would you?"

Rossi shifted in his seat, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. He was quite for so long that Seaver didn't think he was going to tell her. Then he started talking, "It started before I was on the team. Reid had been kidnapped by a man named Tobias Hankel. He was suffering from Disassociated Identity Disorder and was living as 3 different people. I won't go into all the details, but his mind had fractured when he killed his abusive father. He had been using drugs to escape the abuse for years." Seaver sat silently. "Tobias held Reid for two days." He took a deep breath.

"He drugged Reid didn't he?" Seaver asked quietly.

"Yeah," he cleared his throat. "Dilaudid was his drug of choice and it's not something you can quit easily. Tobias Hankel had tried to quit for years, and was never successful. None of the team knew right away that it had even happened, he hide it well. It took them time to notice the signs. It is a hard thing, watching someone you care about destroy part of themselves in that way. Over time Reid was able to get himself clean. I was there for that part of it."

Seaver studied the SUV ahead of them as Rossi collected his thoughts. "I know you haven't been around Reid for very long, but something has been up with him lately. Morgan and I miss read it as drug use. Turns out he has been having migraines, severe migraines." Rossi stopped there, not even considering for a second that he would reveal any more information on that subject. "Reid hasn't had the easiest life, and this job can take a lot from you. We try to take care of each other, we try to be there for one another, but this time Mogan and I really screwed up. It will break my heart if that kid doesn't make it."

Seaver pondered his words before she spoke. "I haven't been around Reid for very long, like you said." She turned towards him, "But from what I have seen, I believe that Reid is a very good, kind, and forgiving person. "

Rossi sighed, "That's part of what makes all this so hard."

* * *

><p>Morgan could hear Ried shouting as he rounded the corner. "What happened? How long has he been like this?" Morgan demanded from the nurse.<p>

"About 10 minutes," She huffed. "When he woke up and he was in a lot of pain. We tried to give him some morphine but he ripped out his IV and then started screaming. He keeps saying 'Morgan will understand'. He demanded we get you." She brushed the stray hairs out of her face. "We had to restrain him."

Morgan pushed his way through the door to find Reid thrashing about in the restraints of the ER bed. "Please don't!" He cried.

"Mr. Reid," The doctor's voice was stern and hard. "You have to calm down!" He held a siring in his hand holding it above the crease in his arm.

"Hey!" Morgan shouted as he shortened the distance between him and the doctor.

The doctor spun to face him, "Will you please calm him down?"

Morgan grabbed Reid's hand and put his face close to his. "Reid!" he had to shout to get Reid' attention. "Reid!"

His eyes shot open. "Morgan, don't let them!" He shifted his weight towards him, tears streaming down his face. "Please don't let them." Morgan placed his hands on the sides of Reid head.

"Listen to me man," His eyebrows arched. "You have to calm down. It's ok. I am not going to let anything happen ok." Reid's cries turned into sniffles and whimpers. Morgan spun to face the doctor.

"What the hell man?" His eyes were filled with anger. "If he doesn't want painkillers, don't force them on him!"

"Listen," The doctor took a step forward. "I am trying to save his life. We were able to give him the antivenin, but I don't think you fully understand what is happening to his body right now. He has an extremely large amount of poison in his system. That poison has raised his blood pressure to a dangerously high level. Every muscle in his body is on fire right now. The pain is excruciating. His fever has risen to 103 in the last 15 minutes. The only thing that will help him so the medicine can do its job is to get _him _to relax. We have to give him painkillers and muscle relaxers or he could start having seizures and if we don't get his blood pressure down he WILL have a heart attack. The ACE inhibitors we gave him will help, but he _HAS _to relax."

"Are you saying he could die if you don't give him pain meds?" Morgan wanted it plain and simple.

"Yes," The doctor didn't back down.

"I want everybody out for a minute," Morgan requested quietly.

"We have to move quickly," The doctor pointed out.

"If you want him to calm down, you have to do it my way." Morgan's eyes studied the doctor's face. "Please get everyone out of here."

The doctor huffed and did as he asked. Morgan approached Reid's bedside and grabbed his hand which was at an awkward angle restrained to the side of the bed. Morgan thought only for a second before he undid the restraints. Reid shot up in the bed and clung to Morgan for dear life. Morgan hugged him back as Reid tried to breath, pain radiating through his body.

He held him for a minute before he pulled himself back. "Come on man," He pushed on his shoulder gently, "You need to lie back down." Reid slumped back in the bed as his suddenly new found strength began to dissipate.

His breathing began to slow and he had stopped crying. "Reid, you have to listen to me, ok." He grabbed his hand and held it tight. "You could die if you don't let them give you some morphine." Reid's face began to scrunch up again. "Hey, hey, listen. I know this is something you promised yourself you would never do again. You probably understand what is happening to your body right now more than I do, but the doctor said you have to take the meds."

"Narcotics don't always work in reliving the pain," Reid said through clenched teeth.

"Reid," Morgan spoke softly, "We both know you have way more of the venom in your system than any of Olivia's victims, and they all died. Please let them help you." Reid didn't say anything, he just closed his eyes.

"What if I can't stop myself later?" His voice was quiet this time, almost a whisper.

"You are stronger than you give yourself credit for Reid."

"That's where you're wrong," Reid opened his blood shot eyes and stared at Morgan. "I'm not strong enough, not now."

"We will get through it together. You don't have to do it alone this time." Reid studied Morgan's eyes, his body visibly shaking with fear and pain.

He finally shook his head, "OK." Morgan moved to leave. Reid grabbed his arm, "Stay with me please."

"Sure thing kid," Morgan replied. "Let me get the doctor back in here and then I won't leave your side until you are so sick of looking at my face you will want to put in for a transfer." A small familiar smile crept into the corners of Reid's mouth.

* * *

><p>"I'm SSA Hotchner," he flashed his badge as he spoke. "I am looking for two of my agents, Morgan and Reid?"<p>

The woman looked up from her computer screen to find 4 worried faces staring back at her. "Please have a seat in the waiting room and I'll get someone for you." She rose from her seat, "It's just through that door."

Hotch lead them into the waiting room; everyone took a seat but him. He stood near the door with his hands on his hips. It was a few minutes before the doctor came in. Hotch moved to shake his hand.

"I'm Dr. Heirs."

"I'm SSA Hotchner." Each team member rose to their feet, "These are Agents Rossi, Prentiss, and Seaver." Even though she wasn't a full agent yet, Hotch didn't waste time with the distinction and she appreciated it. "How is he?"

"Well," He adjusted the glasses on his nose, "Mr. Reid's body doesn't seem to be rejecting the antivenin which is a good sign; however, his blood pressure is still dangerously high. With such a large dose of the poison in his system, his body may not be able to recuperate especially given his current physical state."

"You mean the headaches?" Emily's mouth was hanging loosely open.

"Yes, that and the weight lose and lack of sleep." He eyed the clock hanging on the wall. "He is resting now; we are pushing heavy pain medication and muscle relaxers. He's not out of the woods yet, so we will have to monitor his closely."

"May we see him?" Hotch asked.

"I don't want to agitate him any further." The doctor shook him head.

"May I speak with Agent Morgan then?" Hotch pushed the subject further.

"He refuses to leave Mr. Reid's side," The doctor explained. "All right, one of you may go, but you may only have a few minutes."

"Thank you," Hotch nodded. "Please lead the way." The 3 reaming team members took their seats, and tried to make themselves comfortable.

"Morgan," Hotch approached him quietly. Morgan rose from his chair. "How is he?"

"Well," He sighed, "He could be doing better. Did you talk to the doctor?"

"Yeah," He glanced at Reid's prone figure. "He only gave me a few minutes with you."

"He's been asleep for a while," Morgan crossed his arms protectively against his chest. "From what the doctor told me, it's probably better if he stays that way until the poison can be countered."

"Are you all right?" Hotch studied him.

"Honestly," Morgan began, "No. I had to convince him to let them give him pain meds. He begged me not to…" He paused. "After what I said to him last night, I didn't even believe the argument I was selling. I'm surprised he did, he must have been in a lot of pain."

"The doctor said he wasn't out of the woods yet."

"Yeah, I know." Morgan shifted his weight. "The nurse just checked his vitals and his fever is finally dropping." He turned away from Reid, "What happened with Olivia and Masterson?"

"From what we can tell, there was a struggle for the gun, and she shot him. Local PD is handling the clean up."

"Sir," one of the nurses had appeared at the door.

"Right," Hotched placed a hand on Morgan's back, "We're right outside if you need anything. Garcia wants you to call her when you get a chance."

Morgan nodded and stretched before he sat back down. A few minutes later another nurse came in and changed his cold compresses and adjusted his oxygen. Morgan's eyes had slipped closed on their own. All was quiet until about 2:00 AM when Reid woke up asking for water. His fever had broken, but his blood pressure was still too high. He had started to vomit again after his few sips of water which Morgan could only imagine how terribly painful it was to puke with broken ribs. They continued to give him muscle relaxers and pushed more morphine throughout the night. He occasionally thrashed about and cried out in his drug induced sleep. Morgan couldn't discern anything that he mumbled throughout the night, they were just broken phrases mingled with moans of discomfort.

"Morgan?" It took him a few times to register that it was Reid's voice calling his name. His eyes flew open.

"What is it?" He leaned closer to him.

"Olivia is dead isn't she?" Reid had rolled onto his side and was facing Morgan.

"Yea," Morgan rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "You don't remember what happened?"

"I do, I just couldn't remember if it was real or not." Reid sighed. "She was smart," Reid began the story without any prompting. "He had thrown her to the ground; I thought she was already dead at that point. He untied me and ordered me to the ground. I had accepted that I was going to die, that he was going to shoot me and there was nothing I could to do to change it."

Morgan's shoulders slouched slightly.

"It all happened so quickly I wasn't even sure what was happening until I heard the gun shot." Sean's body was slumped on top of Olivia. Reid pulled himself out of the shock and stumbled to them. He used what little strength he had to pull Sean off of Olivia, the bullet had gone right through his heart.

She was frowning at him. "I did it again…I killed…."

"You did it to save me," Reid fell to the ground beside her. "You save my life."

"I'm sorry you don't have longer to live." Her vision blurred as her muscles tightened. "Thank you," She gasped breathlessly.

"For what?" Reid asked.

"For wanting to help me," Her answer was simple. Reid didn't usually shake a stranger's hand, let alone hold it, but it was the only way he could comfort her, so he grasped her hand and held tight.

"I watched the life leave her body." His voice was flat. "Everything after that is…hazy."

Morgan knew Reid didn't want him to say anything to "Fix" the way he felt. So he simply listened but what Reid said next surprised him.

"I don't think I can do this job anymore."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Author's note: Ok, So first, in my last author's note I tried to say Webmd can only tell you so much…note sure why fanfic .net removed it, but whatever.

Second, someone suggested having the parts of the story that take place in the past to be in italics, so from this point on those parts will be in italics so there is no confusion.

Third, sorry this is a short chapter. Very, very sad. A lady I got to church with had her 5 day old baby pass away. Without going into a lot of detail she was very sick and she wasn't expected to live more than a few hours. So, while they were able to spend 5 days (including Mother's Day) with her she died yesterday morning. While I know she is being taken care of and that her family will be able to see her again after this life, it has not put me in a very good writing mood. Please bear with me a few days until I get that fire back and I hope there aren't too many mistakes in the writing for this chapter.

* * *

><p>"You don't mean that." Morgan leaned forward in his chair. Reid remained silent. "Reid, you don't mean that."<p>

"Yes I do." He answered back. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Look man, you aren't thinking straight right now." Morgan tried to reason with him.

"I can think just fine on narcotics, I've done it before remember," He bit back.

Morgan sighed, "That's not what I meant and you know it. You have just been through something terrible. Don't let your emotions make that decision for you."

"Why shouldn't I? I have been thinking in statistics for my entire life," Reid explained. "Look where it has gotten me. I can remember every horrible, nasty detail of every case we have ever been on with  
>crystal clear clarity like it happened yesterday. Not only that, but look what it has done to the people on this team." He licked his lips, "I've been kidnapped, shot, poisoned, and beaten up. I've killed people; I've been in situations where realistically I shouldn't have survived. And after all of that I come back to this job, time after time." Reid swallowed. "Maybe I should let my emotions lead the way for a while."<p>

"Reid, I know what this job does. It's me man, I know." Morgan leaned on the side of the bed. "You are an astounding person, who could do anything you wanted. You chose to do this; you make a huge difference in the lives of the people we come in contact with. It takes a special breed of person to do this job. Maybe we can't have the life that other's have, but isn't that what being a part of what changes the word is about? Being willing to sacrifice what you have so that others might live?"

Reid stared at the ceiling, breathing slowly. "Why does this job have to take everything from us?"

"Reid," Morgan began, but Reid grunted as he rolled himself over.

"I'm tired." He said quietly.

"Ok," Morgan leaned back in the chair not pushing the subject farther. "Get some sleep. I'll be here if you need anything."

* * *

><p>Prentiss slowly surfaced out of that stage between being asleep and awake. The night had been long and her lower back was feeling the strain of staying in one position too long. She uncurled herself from the chair, and stretched her legs. Seaver was leaning against the opposite wall with her legs stretched out over three chairs, she appeared to be asleep.<p>

Hotch was sitting upright in a chair near her, his suit jacket thrown across the back of the chair adjacent to him. She didn't see Rossi.

"Has there been any word?" She asked quietly.

"Nothing yet," Hotch shifted in his seat. "I think one of us should give Morgan some time to rest."

"If he lets us," Prentiss pointed out.

"I may make it an order," Hotch smiled slightly.

"In that case, I'll sit with him." She offered.

"You sure?" Prentiss nodded. "As soon as we get an update, we will go back to the hotel and get a few hours of sleep. I'll have Seaver pack up your things and once we get back we'll find a hotel here and you can get some sleep. I imagine they will want to keep him for a few days."

Rossi appeared carrying 4 coffees and handed them out, receiving a thank you each time. He gently shook Seaver's shoulder to wake her.

"Thanks," She took the cup and rearranged herself as Rossi took a seat next to Hotch.

"Still nothing?" Rossi asked, sipping the steam liquid, Hotch shook his head.

"Well," Rossi settled back in his chair, "which one of us will take the first shift?'

"Prentiss has already offered," Hotch replied. "You know Reid, he will want to brush off any concern we show for him. It embarrasses him and he will be very self-conscious of the fact that he is taking a narcotic. We all need to not push him into talking. Let him be the one to initiate the conversation. If he doesn't while we are here, I will take care of it when we get back to DC." They all nodded in agreement. He stood as he saw Dr Hiers enter the waiting room.

"Agent Hotchner," He approached the team.

"How is he?"

"Well, he is doing better," they all sighed. "He has just a low grade fever and his blood pressure is dropping steadily. He is weak but that is to be expected and he is still experiencing severe muscle pain. I am going to keep him on the ACE inhibitors, which he can't mix with his Migraine medicine. We are still managing the pain with morphine, but after a few more days he should be fine without it. We are moving him to a room upstairs and we are keeping him for a few more nights."

"May we see him?" Hotch was already pulling on his coat jacket.

"Once he is settled upstairs I'll have a nurse show you to his room."

"Thank you," Hotch shook his hand.

* * *

><p>Reid was sitting up and sipping a small cup of water when they all entered the room.<p>

"Hi guys," he mumbled as they surrounded his bed.

"How are you feeling?" Emily patted his leg.

"I'm fine." He smiled weakly, "When are you headed back to the hotel?" He wanted to change the subject quickly.

"We're going to go in a bit; we wanted to check on you first." Rossi replied.

"Well, I'm fine. No need to worry." He looked down and played with the edge of the blanket.

Morgan and Hotch exchanged a glance. They all talked a few more minutes; then the loud growl of Seaver's stomach was Hotch's queue to head out.

"Well," Hotch began, "We will grab your things from the hotel. Call us if there is anything you would like us to pick up for you. Emily will be staying with you. Morgan, you're going to come back with us to the hotel."

"Ah, Hotch," Morgan stood, "I would rather stay here with Reid.

"I really feel like you need a break."

"It's ok Morgan," Reid said before Morgan could speak again. He would rather not discuss the conversation they had the night before any further, which he knew Morgan would want to do if he stayed. Emily would be less pressing. "You could use a shower," he added with a small smile.

"Ha ha, funny," Morgan mocked. "You just better hope that the nurse giving you a sponge bath is gentle."


	8. Chapter 8

Author's notes: Sorry I haven't updated in a bit. Enjoy the chapter! Season finale tomorrow! Hope is doesn't suck!

Chapter 8

* * *

><p>Morgan flung himself face first into the bed. The mattress was firm beneath him, but the blankets were soft and cool. He could not shake Reid's cries, begging him not to make him take the painkillers, out of his memory. Morgan wasn't sure he would ever get over that.<p>

He sighed as he thought back to what Reid has said about not being able to do this job anymore. Profiling for the FBI can take the best years of your life, but Morgan had meant what he said. He just hoped Reid wasn't serious, and if he was, that he could change his mind.

He rolled over and pulled his cell phone from his belt and hit the speed dial.

"Finally!" Garcia's voice squeaked through the phone. "I have been waiting for you to call me all night! Hotch said boy wonder is doing better, but IS still pretty bad." She was speaking so quickly Morgan couldn't get a word in anyway. "How is? Is he ok? How does he look? What can I do? How are you? Did you get any sleep …"

"Baby girl!" Morgan stopped her mid sentence.

"Sorry," she took a deep breath. "How is he?"

"Well," Morgan began, "He could be better." He then walked her through the events of the previous night, every heart wrenching detail.

"Oh my gosh," Morgan could hear Garcia's heart breaking through her voice. "Why do these things always happen to him? He is one of the gentlest people I know, and he can't catch a break. I know we work for the FBI, but the things we deal with should never be considered as normal job hazards…" She sighed. "How are you?"

"I'm…"He was going to say fine, but that was a lie. "I'm hanging in there as best I can. I feel like I betrayed him somehow, I feel like I'm a lousy friend for wanting to talk him into staying at a job that nearly killed him…again."

"What can I do? I'm stuck here, still working, while you are all there essentially waiting bedside. What can I do to help?" She asked.

"There is something you can do, but it will take some time."

"Anything, I'm going nuts here by myself." She was ready and willing.

"Ok," Morgan began, "Here's what I want you to do."

* * *

><p>Prentiss watched nonchalantly as the nurse checked Reid's vitals. Reid's fever was still low, and his pressure was steadily dropping. Prentiss eyed the floor when the nurse asked him if he was ready for another dose of morphine.<p>

"Uh," his voice caught slightly, "I think I can wait a little longer."

The nurse smiled, "Ok, I'll be back in about an hour. If you need it before then, just press the button, ok. I'm going to have some food sent up and we'll see if you can keep it down."

"Thank you," Reid nodded his head gently, even though he wasn't the least bit hungry.

Prentiss picked at her thumb nail until the nurse left. She was trying to do as Hotch said, not to press the issues, to let him talk. It was hard not to speak her mind.

"You want me to get you a book or something from the gift shop?" She offered.

"No, thank you." He shrugged. "I'm too tired to read right now, and I have no idea where my contacts ended up. My glasses are back at the hotel." He rubbed his eyes, there was a headache brewing behind them and he prayed it wasn't a migraine.

"When did they start?" Prentiss figured she could nudge him along.

Reid sighed, "About 7 months ago." She waited silently, seeing if he would divulge any more information on his own. "They weren't as intense when they first started, but they have gotten worse lately."

"How long does one typically last?"

"A few days," His answer was short.

"You had one in Miami, didn't you?" She remembered the events and his behavior made a little more sense now as he nodded. "What do the doctors say?"

"They all say that I'm fine."

"But you're worried?" She ran her fingers through her hair.

"Of course I am." He let out a small laugh. "I have spent my entire life scared to death that I'm going to end of like my Mom, locked away in some mental institution. When JJ had Henry, I was happy for her, but sad in a way because I know I can't have that. I can't pass it along to them if I don't have children. Before I could live with that, but now it feels like that nightmare could come true any day, I'm just waiting for that bomb to drop."

"Listen," Emily leaned forward. "I can't tell you that you've got nothing to worry about. It is a real possibility that you could develop schizophrenia and I know that is scary, but you have to know that we are here for you no matter what happens. You are not alone in this."

There was a knock on the door frame; a young woman was peering in the open door.

"Excuse me," she stepped father into the room. "Are you Agent Reid?"

"Yes," Reid answered hesitantly.

"Oh good!" She marched quickly up to the side of the bed and extended her hand. "I'm Molly Grams, you may have heard of me. I'm the top reporter for the local paper and channel 6 news. I wanted to ask you a few questions." Reid visibly tensed.

"I'm sorry," Prentiss stood up, "He's not well, and we would appreciate it if you would let him get some rest." She motioned to the door.

"Oh, it won't take long!" She smiled and pulled out a tape recorder from her pocket. "Now, how did it feel to be held captive buy the Black Widow?"

"What? The Black Widow?" Reid yelped back, mouth hanging open.

"Ok, out!" Anger flared in Prentiss' chest.

"I'm merely trying to hear your side of the events." She held the tape recorder to Reid's mouth. "What drove her to murder all those men and almost kill you?"

"I have asked you nicely once." Prentiss was using her authoritative FBI no non-sense voice. "Now, I am telling you. Get out." She pushed Molly Grams to the door. "Security!" She called out in the hallway, "Escort this woman out."

"Why did it take so long for the FBI to get involved? How many lives could have been saved if you had stepped in sooner?" Molly Grams was a local legend as the reporter that could crack any story, and she had a whiff of what she thought was a big one. "The people deserve to hear the truth!" Prentiss remained silent and she passed her off the security officer outside Reid's room. "What will it look like when they people read 'no comment' from the FBI?"

"Here's your comment." Prentiss cocked her eyebrows. "You may be a local celebrity, but you're nobody to me. I better not find you anywhere near this room again."

Prentiss shook off her anger as she entered Reid's room. "I'm sorry," She tried to get Reid to look her in the eye.

"She wasn't a bad person." Reid studied his hands. "I mean, yes, she killed those men. They had raped woman and abused children, and they all got away with it. She was just…" He sighed. Prentiss took her seat. "She saved my life."

"I know," Prentiss wanted to reach for his hand, and hesitantly she did. He didn't shrink away. "You know what happened, and that's all that matters."

Reid wiped away a tear as it ran down his cheek. He smiled faintly, pulling his hand away. "Uh, do you think I could be alone for a few minutes?"

"I'll be just outside if you need me." Prentiss have his leg another reassuring squeeze and headed to the door.

"Emily," Reid called.

"Yeah?" She turned towards him.

"Could you send the nurse in?" He took a deep breath. "I think I'll take that dose of morphine now."

Prentiss studied his face; she couldn't tell if he wanted the drugs because he was in physical pain or if he wanted them to make the emotional pain go away. She decided that for right now, it didn't matter. "Sure."

* * *

><p>Reid had spent most of the day either sleeping, or pretending to be asleep. The nurses had insisted that he try and eat something, but the few bites he was able to eat came up quickly, which left a burning ache in his chest. The doctor had ordered a chest X-ray to determine how many ribs were broken. Sean Masterson had managed to break 1 and severely bruise 2 others. The short trip to radiology had left him drained, so he was sound asleep when the team returned. It was late in the afternoon by the time they had found a hotel nearby and checked in.<p>

Reid slowly surfaced into consciousness, but he didn't open his eyes. He could hear hushed voices.

"I think you should let me do most of the talking," Reid identified the voice as belonging to Hotch.

"Fine, but I have to say my peace. It is eating me up inside, what I said to him." Reid identified that voice as belonging to Morgan.

"I understand, but we have to approach the subject delicately." There was a pause in the conversation, then Hotch continued. "We need to keep a lid on this; if Strauss gets the slightest hint of the situation then she will have both mine and his badge on her desk before the end of the day."

"None of us will say anything." Morgan sounded shocked that Hotch would even suggest such a thing.

"It's not us I'm worried about." Reid heard someone shifting. "After you told me about the conversation you two had last night I wouldn't be surprised if he told her himself."

"You can't be serious?" Morgan's voice was a little louder than he had intended. Reid could tell they were waiting to see if he would wake up before they continued.

"I'm not saying he will, I'm just saying that by doing that Strauss would make the decision for him. He wouldn't have a choice about staying at the BAU. If he really is at the end of his rope, there may be nothing we can do that will convince him to stay." There was a deep sigh, "I couldn't convince Gideon."

Reid couldn't decide if he was hurt by Hotch's words, or if he agreed with him. Strauss could make the decision for him; it would take all the responsibility off his shoulders. Reid could use a little less weight on his shoulders right now.

A few moments later a nurse entered the room and started checking Reid's vitals, he took this opportunity to make a show of waking up. He was surprised to find that the sun had already gone down.

"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked.

"I actually feel a lot better." He said truthfully. "I think that last nap did me a lot of good."

"Good," She checked his blood pressure, which was almost back to normal and his fever was almost gone. "I'm going to give you another dose of morphine and muscle relaxers ok hun?"

"Uh," Reid cleared his throat. "Just the muscle relaxers, I'm going to hold off on the morphine for now." Even though his body was still screaming at him every time he moved, he wanted to try and manage the pain without the drugs. He had done it when he got shot in the leg, and he didn't want to fall back into that way of life. He had felt himself slipping after that reporter had gotten him riled up and he wanted to stomp it out now before he couldn't control it. After the nurse left he asked, "Where is everybody?"

"They're at the hotel." Morgan smiled, "They had seen enough of sleeping beauty for one day."

"How are you feeling?" Hotch asked.

"I honestly do feel better." Reid pulled himself into a sitting position. "I'm not going to be busting down any door anytime soon, but I feel better than yesterday. I'll leave the door busting to Morgan anyway."

"Good," Hotch replied. "I spoke with your doctor, and he said that if all goes well tomorrow, he will release you Friday morning. We'll have the jet here ready to go as soon as you give the word."

"I would fly home right now if we could." Reid smiled. "We can head straight to the airport from here as far as I am concerned."

"I'll make the arrangements." Hotch shifted in his seat. "Now, we need to talk." Reid opened him mouth to say something but Hotch interrupted him. "You just listen for now, and then you can say whatever you want." Reid nodded. "We're not going to dance around the subject this time; we don't have that luxury anymore. You have a drug problem, and the events of the last couple days hasn't helped with that I'm sure, but I'm not the one that knows when you need to go to a meeting. I'm not the one who knows when you are having a craving, you are. You are the only one who knows, but I can tell you this; we are your friends and we know when you are struggling. We will be there for you, but you have to tell us when it is too much for you. If I need to drive you to a meeting myself at 2:00 in the morning, I will."

"Now, how long have you been keeping the headaches from us?" Hotch waited for him to respond. Reid was trying to decide if Prentiss had already told him or if she had kept his confidence. He decided she had.

"Seven months."

"I understand having privacy, but when your secrets endanger your life and the lives of those closest to you that is unacceptable. I let what you did in Miami slide when I probably shouldn't but that's on me. It was stupid what you did, and I have to be able to trust you to do all you can to keep yourself safe." Reid winced; he knew Hotch was right. It was stupid of him to go into that house without telling anyone where he was going. He felt small and embarrassed. "We all know what these headaches mean to you and that you are worried. We really do care about you."

"I understand if you need to take some time, no one would think less of you if you did. This team can't lose another person; it's hard enough as it is after losing JJ. We can't lose _you _too. When we get back to Quantico I will take care of getting you the time you need. If you are serious about leaving, please do not make your decision until after you take some time off. Will you at least do that?"

Reid looked up at his boss. "Ok, I'll take some time."

"Good," Hotch straightened his tie. "We don't want to smother you, but until you are back on your feet one of us will be with you at all times."

"On second thought," he smiled, "I may ask for that transfer as soon as we get home."

"Come on," Morgan swatted the side of the bed, "You know Garcia would stop any paperwork dead in its tracks and make it disappear." He turned to Hotch, "Do you think you could give us a minute? I need to talk to Reid alone."


	9. Chapter 9

Author's note: I meant to say something in my last chapter, but I was at work when I posted the last chapter and I didn't have time to write a long note. I wanted to thank you all for your kind words. I'm also sorry it has taken me so long to update the story. When it rains it pours. My father -in-law had a stroke last week and my husband and I had to fly out to help with that and we just got back last night. He is doing much better and is expected to make a full recovery. I hope you enjoy the chapter and I hope to update again soon.

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

Morgan took a deep breath. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened in the police station." Reid scratched at the tape holding his IV in, waiting for him to continue. "I shouldn't have said any of that. Hell, I shouldn't have even thought it. I was just concerned about you, but that doesn't excuse what I did. I never should have bombarded you like that and I'm sorry."

"I've been talked about behind my back most of my life," Reid began. "The other kids at school, on the playground, in college, with other agents at the Bureau, and I'm used to that. I'm not going to lie, it hurt a lot to find out my friends were doing it too."

"Reid," Morgan protested. "We were just trying to help. We never meant to hurt you; we would never do that to you."

"I know, but saying that doesn't make it hurt any less." He replied.

"You're right," Morgan sighed. "I hope that you can forgive us, when you're ready."

"I have worked so hard, since Tobias did that to me. I struggled a lot at first, physically it was tough. Now, after all that has happened in the last 2 years, it has been very hard emotionally not to use that as an escape. It was so hard after I got shot; I mean that was really painful but I did it. The whole anthrax poising was tough, but I came out of that without using. It was really tempting when the migraines started. I contemplated it a lot when they first started. It may seem silly to go through all of that, and then headaches are what tempted me the most. I guess it's because the headaches could lead to something worse. After what happened here, I almost feel like the universe is telling me it's no use, to just give up."

"Come on Reid," Morgan tried to appeal to him. "We both know you don't believe in stuff like that."

"I know, but it just feels better to say it out loud." He shrugged. "I don't want to start using again, but it's going to be harder after having this morphine in my system the past two days."

"I wanted to apologize for that as well." Morgan rubbed his finger over his eyebrow as he spoke. "I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for making you take the drugs that first night you were here."

Reid scrunched is brow, thinking. "I don't…wait, that all happened? Me screaming, being strapped to the bed? That was all real?"

"You don't remember it?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, I remember, I just didn't think it was real. The venom was messing with my head." He replied. "I am so embarrassed for reacting like that, screaming, making such a fuss." He ran a hand over his face.

"Do you remember the ambulance ride?" Morgan asked.

"Some of it, why?'

"You were saying something about horses, and I couldn't figure out what you were talking about."

"Oh, it's nothing really," He explained. "I was trying to keep myself awake. The antivenin for a black widow bite is produce by injecting a horse with gradually increased doses of the poison until the horse's immune system produces the antivenin. It seemed relevant at the time." He shrugged again.

"Geez Reid," Morgan laughed. "You really do know everything."

"Oh, shut up Morgan," Reid shrugged. "I usually focus better when I am reciting statistic or facts like that. I guess it didn't work very well this time."

"How are you feeling now?" Morgan asked.

"I don't know," He hesitated. "My chest hurts; it is getting a little easier to breath though." He unconsciously rubbed his hand across his chest as he spoke. "I just feel… off."

"You want something to eat?" Morgan asked.

"I am kind of hungry." Reid realized that he felt like he might actually be able to eat something. "I don't think I can eat anything heavy. Maybe some soup?"

Morgan got up from his chair. "I'll see if I can find you something. You gonna be ok if I go?"

"Yes, I'll be fine." Reid watched him head to the door. "Thanks."

* * *

><p>Rossi sipped at the coffee and sat the cup back down on the table. He was seated in the corner table of a small coffee shop across the street from the hotel. He couldn't sleep and it felt stuffy in the hotel room. Even though Reid was doing a lot better, he still had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was hoping that would go away once he was able to apologize to him.<p>

He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Prentiss enter the shop.

"You mind if I join you?" Her words startled him. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to sneak up on you."

"Oh," he moved the newspaper he had flipped through out of her way as she sat down. "I was just thinking. What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same thing?" She smiled, avoiding the question.

"Do you have an update on Reid?" He asked.

"Yeah, Morgan said he's doing better, but he will be very sore for a couple weeks." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Did he tell you that Reid is thinking about quieting?"

"The BAU?" Rossi asked in shock.

"Everything, the FBI, all of it." She replied.

"No, I haven't been able to talk with him yet. When was this?" He asked.

"The first night he was in the hospital," She picked at her finger nails. "I think they talked about it again this morning, but he seems pretty serious."

"What did Hotch say?" He drained his coffee cup.

"He wants him to take a sabbatical when we get back, and wait to make the decision after he has had a break."

"Poor kid," Rossi sighed.

They sat in silence for a few minutes after Emily's coffee had been brought to the table. She spoke quietly, "What is the worst thing you have seen on this job?"

"Why do you ask that?" Rossi didn't want to answer the question.

"I just was thinking about something Morgan said about Reid. You know he has that amazing memory that helps us in solving so many cases but I've never thought about how much of what he sees he remembers." She swallowed. "He can remember everything about a case, every gruesome detail. I would probably go crazy if I couldn't forget some of the things I've seen. After thinking about it that way, it isn't surprising that he wants to quit, I'm kind of surprised he lasted this long now that I think about it."

"I know this job can be brutal, but I hope he really thinks about this before he makes a decision." Rossi didn't want to voice out loud that he wasn't sure they could function as a team without him. "Is he still up?"

"Reid?" She asked, and Rossi nodded. "Oh, I don't think so. I just spoke with Morgan and he said he was going to get Reid something to eat and then he would probably be tired. Morgan is probably pretty tired himself. He may let you sit with him while he gets a couple hours of sleep." Prentiss pointed out.

"Yeah, I may do that." He pulled a few dollar bills from his wallet and dropped a tip on the table. "Try and get some sleep yourself."

Emily smirked, "Yeah, right." She drank her coffee as she watched Rossi leave the shop, she couldn't see which direction he went. She spent a few more hours there, lost in thought before she headed back to the hotel. Even though she had already had a shower that day, she headed to the bath room and turned on the shower. She stripped her clothes as the bathroom filled with steam. She flinched a little as she stepped under the hot water. She let the heat work through the tension in her shoulders. She didn't know how long she had been in the shower, but she heard a knock at the hotel door when she turned off the water. She quickly dried off a little, and wrapped the towel around herself. She looked through the peep hole to see who was knocking.

She found Seaver on the other side of the door. She opened the door a crack so as not to allow anyone in the hallway to see her dripping wet in a towel.

"Oh, sorry," Seaver began. "I didn't realize you were in the shower. Never mind," She turned to leave.

"No, it's ok," Prentiss opened the door to allow her to enter the room quickly. "Just give me a minute." Seaver sat on the chair by the window while Emily grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. She came back out a few minutes later dressed in her yoga pants and an old t-shirt. She toweled her damp hair as she sat on the edge of the bed. "What's up? You ok?"

Seaver shifted in her chair. "I just didn't feel like sitting in my hotel room waiting. I saw you come in a bit ago and thought you might be awake. You look like you are getting ready to go to bed. I shouldn't have bothered you." She made as if she was going to stand but Prentiss stopped her.

"Ashley," Prentiss laid the towel down on the bed. "We are all worried about Reid, it's ok that you can't sleep. I doubt I will be able to sleep tonight."

Seaver sighed. "I don't know how you do this. I've only been a part of this team a short while, I can't imagine how hard it is for the rest of you watching him go through this. How do you not let it get to you?"

Emily wanted to say something she had said to JJ years earlier, but she chose to say something else. "This is just a risk you run with doing a job like this. It is a terrible thing when it happens, but we have all been through horrible things as individuals but sometimes it seems worse when you watch someone you care about go through something like this. We all handle things differently and you just have to learn to not let it interfere with your ability to do your job." Prentiss was kind of taken aback at how cold her answer had seemed. "Ashley, look, it is going to get to you. We wouldn't be any different from the killers we catch if it didn't."

"He's always so nice to me." Seaver said quietly. "He's never impatient with me when I am working things out in my head even when he's figured it out already."

"Yeah, Reid is one of the best people I know." She stood and made her way to the mini fridge across the room. She grabbed a small bottle and held it up. "Want a drink?"

* * *

><p>Rossi approached the hospital room quietly. The lights were down low, so he figured Reid was asleep. He approached the open door but stopped at the frame, Reid was sitting up in the bed just staring. Rossi didn't see Morgan anywhere. He stood for a moment and watched Reid, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find Morgan.<p>

"I didn't want to startle you." He said quietly. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah," Rossi rotated the ring on his finger. "You mind if I sit with him for a bit?"

"Go ahead." Morgan glanced at his watch. "When you want me back?"

"Come back once you've gotten enough sleep," Rossi said, "You look exhausted."

"Let me know if you need anything." Morgan ran a hand over his face and headed out.

Rossi slowly entered the room, but Reid didn't register that he was there until he was right next to him. "How ya felling kid?"

"Rossi, what are you doing up?" Reid asked rubbing his eyes.

"I wanted to give Morgan a chance to get some sleep." He took a seat. "How you feeling?"

"I'm better." He rearranged the pillow behind his back as he spoke. They sat in silence for a moment before Rossi looked up.

"Look, Reid," He began. "I'm sorry about what happened the other night in the police station with Morgan."

"I've already been through this with him," Reid said quietly. "You don't have to apologize."

"Yes I do." Rossi stated. "I can't take back what was said, but I can apologize for saying it. We were too hard on you and I'm sorry we just assumed you were using again instead of taking the time to talk with you and find out what was bothering you. We all really care about you kiddo and we are all here for you. I'm here for you."

Reid didn't have the energy to go through another conversation like this. "I know." He said quietly.

"Really kid, you don't have to go through this alone." Rossi said earnestly.

"Rossi," Reid protested quietly. "Can we not do this right now?"

Rossi nodded, "Sure kid." They sat in silence until Reid closed his eyes and feel asleep. That terrible feeling in Rossi stomach hadn't gone away.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's note: Sorry it has been a while since I updated. I have recently become obsessed with In Plain Sight. I absolutely love that show and have been distracted lately with it.

Who is super stoked that Prentiss and AJ are _both_back and Seaver is out? I am so excited! Maybe they can salvage the show next season and we might actually get an answer for Reid's headaches. Anyway, hope you enjoy the newest chapter.

* * *

><p>Chapter 10<p>

There was a gnawing feeling in the back of Reid's skull as he waited patiently in the wheel chair. Hotch was taking care of the release forms and Morgan was talking with the nurses about his at home care. The rest of the team was already on their way to the airport, it was just going to be Morgan, Hotch, and himself on the 2 hour ride. He hoped they wouldn't want to talk anymore, he was tired of talking. He had refused any pain meds the entire day before and he had made Morgan promise he would rip of any prescriptions they were going to give him.

"Let's get this taxi moving," Morgan said quietly as he appeared at his back, gently pushing him towards the door.

"You know you shouldn't get this much enjoyment out of pushing me around in a wheel chair," Reid said playfully.

"Yeah, well, it's the simple things," Morgan replied with a grin. "Hotch is going to pull the car around. You want to wait inside?"

"That's fine." The morning sun was bright and Reid had to shield his eyes with his hand, the last thing he needed right now was to trigger a migraine. Morgan reached into Reid's go bag that was slung over his shoulder and fished out his sunglasses, almost reading his mind. "Thanks," He mumbled.

Reid had already calculated in his head how long it would take them to drive to the airport, but he wanted to fill the silence. "How long will it take us to get to the jet?"

"Couple hours," Morgan replied, shifted the weight of the bag over his shoulder. "I'll let you have shotgun if you want."

Reid smiled, "Oh, you'll 'let' me huh?"

"Hey, I can be a nice guy when needed," He replied.

"Well, I think I would rather have the back seat, to stretch out if I want to." Reid replied seriously as the familiar black SUV pulled up to the curb.

He felt dizzy when he stood, steadying himself on Morgan's arm. He took slow, baby steps to the open car door. He felt much better than he had a few days earlier, but his body was nowhere near where it was before, not that it was that great to begin with. His chest ached as he settled himself against the cool leather seat. His broken and bruised ribs would take a while to heal. He was looking forward to the time when he could take a deep breath without wincing.

Morgan returned the wheelchair and after he placed Reid's bag in the back, he climbed in the front seat.

"We all set?" Hotch asked behind his FBI sunglasses.

Reid nodded as Morgan replied, "Let's get on the road."

* * *

><p>Rossi had already seated himself on the jet in the seat farthest from the couch. He assumed Morgan would insist that Reid stretch out there and Rossi wanted to give him as much space as he could. He didn't want to crowd Reid. It was obvious that he didn't want to talk about anything that had happened in the last few days. Rossi pretended to be looking over a case file while Prentiss and Seaver were playing a card game at the table near him. He looked up when he saw Hotch board the jet.<p>

Hotch dropped Reid's bag on the couch as Morgan helped Reid through the door. They were moving at a very slow pace. Watching Reid move so slowly was like nails on a chalkboard. He was used to the kid being a ball of energy, not this frail thing that looked like he could be blown over as easily as a tooth pick. Morgan guided him towards the couch.

"I would rather sit at the table," Reid protested.

"You sure you don't want to rest?" Morgan held him up easily.

"Yeah," Reid replied. "Besides, I could do with some extra spending money." He smiled at Prentiss as Morgan eased him into the seat.

"Who said we were playing for money?" Prentiss chimed in.

"I figured it might make things a little more exciting. Besides, you might want to take advantage of the fact that I'm not at the top of my game today."

"Hey, I've beaten you before Las Vegas." Prentiss grinned back.

"You beat me one time." Reid reminded her.

"That's enough for me!" She started to shuffle the cards. "Ashley, you have to watch this one," She pointed at Reid, "He cheats!"

Hotch seated himself near Rossi and watched the playful exchange between his agents. It was a welcomed change from the past few days.

"You think he's really doing better or is he just really good at pretending to be?" Rossi asked Hotch quietly as he settled himself in his seat.

"I haven't decided yet." He answered.

* * *

><p>Garcia felt a little strange waiting around in Reid's apartment. It was probably more accurate to describe Reid's apartment as a library with a bed and coffee maker thrown in there. It wasn't a messy place, it was actually rather organized. There were just a lot of books stacked in various piles, and not much else. She had used her spare key to let herself in to get things ready. She had done some laundry, tidied up, put fresh sheets on his bed, and stocked his pantry and fridge with a few things she knew he liked. She had brought over a few of her DVDs, but should have known better when she discovered Reid didn't own a television.<p>

She now sat nervously on his couch, hoping that Reid wouldn't suspect why she was really there. Morgan had sent her over to make sure Reid didn't have any drug paraphernalia left over. Not that either of them suspected he did, they just wanted to make sure. She hadn't found anything drug related, but she did find something interesting. A smile had crosser her face when she stumbled upon a copy of Celebrity Sneak Peak magazine. Garcia's fingers traced over the cover. The back of someone's head, that familiar shaggy brown hair was such a contrast to the beautiful blond. That Reid seemed like such a long time ago, a lot had happened since then.

Garcia jumped at the knock on the door. She hurried over and pulled the door open to find Morgan and Reid on the other side.

"Oh, boy genius, you're a sight for sore eyes." She smiled at him and squeezed him arm. She didn't try and hug him. She knew he couldn't support her weight and she knew if she hugged him she wouldn't be able to stop herself from squeezing the life out of him.

"You look lovely today," He replied as he stumbled into his apartment.

"Thanks," Garcia snatched a quick hug from Morgan after Reid got settled on the couch.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, watching him from where she stood. She felt a little awkward, afraid he might break if she sat next to him.

"I'm doing much better." He smiled as he scanned the apartment. "Thanks for cleaning up."

"Oh, it wasn't that messy." She flattened her skirt as she took a seat in the armchair across from him. "You want me to make you some tea or something?"

"Oh no," He waved his hand, "Thank you though."

"You want something to eat?" She adjusted her glasses.

"No thanks." Reid ran a hand through his hair. "I appreciate you guys taking the time to clean up and get me home, but I'm fine."

"Reid," Morgan began, seating himself on the couch. "We aren't going anywhere ok."

Reid sighed; he wanted to keep himself calm. He didn't want to lash out at his friends; they were only trying to help him. All he wanted right now was to be alone for one damn minute. He felt that familiar pressure building behind his eyes. He had started to feel nauseated while Morgan helped him climb the steps to his 2nd floor apartment. There was no doubt in his mind that a full blown migraine was about to show its ugly head.

"Guys I think I would like to get cleaned up." He flashed a shy smile.

"I'll go draw you a bath." Garcia jumped up and headed towards the bathroom.

"Thanks. Could you make it a hot one?" He requested.

"Of course!" She called as she disappeared into the bathroom.

"Um, what do you….need help with?" Morgan asked.

"Relax," Reid smiled. "Just help me to my bedroom and I'll take care of the rest."

Morgan rose to his feet and helped Reid to his. They slowly made their way down the hallway that leads to his bedroom. Garcia was busing herself in the bathroom as they walked past the open door.

Morgan seated Reid on the side of his bed. "Now, just give me a holler and I'll help you to the bathroom."

"Thanks, but I can make it on my own." Reid reassured him.

"You sure?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, it will be fine. I can hold onto the wall for support." Reid replied. When Morgan gave him a skeptical look Reid sighed. "Morgan, I can make it to the bathroom by myself. Really."

"OK," Morgan turned to leave the room. "When you're done you are going to eat something and then back to bed."

Reid knew there was no point in arguing, so he just nodded. Once the door closed behind him Reid grasped for the draw in his bedside table. He always kept Excedrin in the bed side table. He opened the bottle and popped 4 in his hand. He knew it was more than he should take but he couldn't use his prescription for another week and he could already tell this was going to be a bad one. There was a glass of water sitting on the bed, it was from before the team had left on their last case, but Reid didn't care. He downed the pills and the water. He sat there for a minute, holding his head in his hands. He focused on breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. He needed to keep the medicine down long enough for it to work, but the nausea seemed to be winning.

He jumped when there was a light rap on the bedroom door.

"Reid," Garcia called quietly. "Your bath is ready."

"Thank, Penelope," Reid called. "I'll be out in a minute." Reid unbuttoned his shirt and winced as he pulled it off, his chest tightened. Sean Masterson had really done a number on his ribs and his face. Reid could feel the deep bruises on the side of his face and he could see it in the eyes of everyone who looked at him, Reid looked awful.

He laid his clothes in a pile on the bed and slowly rose to his feet. He steadied himself then made his way to the door and grabbed his bathrobe. He pulled the robe on and tied it around his waist tightly before opening the door.

Penelope was waiting their quietly. "Need some help to the bathroom?" She asked with a smile.

Reid could have made it by himself, but he knew Garcia was only trying to help. She was here in Quantico the whole time Reid had been in the hospital and she wanted to make up for not being there, even though there was no need. Reid gave a warm smile and nodded. She helped him walk down the hallway into the bathroom. Reid could tell the water was very hot by the steam and heat that hit him as they entered the bathroom. Garcia sat him down on the toilet and made her way back to the door.

"I put a towel on the rack for you and there is one on the side of the tub for you to lay your head on." She turned to leave.

"Thanks," Reid smiled.

"Sure," She went to close the door. "Now, call if you need anything; don't be shy."

"Ok," Reid watched as the door closed behind her. He stood up and turned to face the mirror. The side of his face was purple and green and there were small nicks and cuts along his nose and forehead. The angry red bite marks on his arms were now just small red dots. Reid took a deep breath, and then regretted it as a sharp pain shot through his chest. He studied the black and dark purple bruises that ran all along the right side of his chest.

He made his way to the light switch and turned the harsh lights off. He knew his way around his bathroom like the back of his hand. There had been many nights when he had tried to alleviate the pain in his head with a soak in a hot bath in the dark. He took off his robe and hung it up on the hook on the back of the door. He slowly made his way to the tub and eased himself into the hot water.

He used the towel Garcia had left for him as a pillow against the harsh coolness of the tub. His bathtub wasn't huge, but it was large enough to allow him to lie comfortably, but his knees stuck out of the water just a bit. The pain in his head was getting worse, but the hot water and darkness were helping.

He took shallow breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth. Even with his eyes closed and the lights in the bathroom out, lights were flashing under his eye lids. That was one of the worst things about Migraines for Reid, even in the absolute pitch darkness; he couldn't escape the dancing light. It had always fascinated Reid that there were people in the world who had never experienced a migraine headache. There were lots of triggers for migraines, and they affect people differently. Why him? Why did he have to suffer like this when others never did? He knew the answer to his question, but he didn't want to admit it to himself right at that moment. Schizophrenia seemed to plague his thoughts most of the time these days.

When the headaches had started he had immediately wanted there to be a physical explanation.

_Reid sat on the exam table, the yellow bracelet on his wrist. _

"_That doesn't make any sense." He looked up at the man standing across from him._

"_I'm not sure what you want me to say." The doctor responded. _

"_So there's nothing wrong?"_

_The doctor studied the file in his hands. "Well, your scans are perfectly normal and there doesn't seem to be any physical explanation for your headaches."_

_Reid couldn't believe it. "What do I do now?"_

_The doctor sighed, "Well have you considered…" He hesitated._

"_Considered what?" Reid waited._

"_A psychosomatic cause?" The doctor replied._

"_Psychosomatic?" _

_The doctor quickly replied quickly, "It just means a, a mental or emotional stress."_

"_I know," Reid interrupted. "I know what it psychosomatic means doctor, but it's not that."_

"_Well, I think its something we should consider."_

"_Listen, I'm not crazy," Reid replied defensively. _

"_Crazy?" The doctor replied. "Look Dr Reid, I'm not…"_

"_No listen," Reid barked. "I have headaches. I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light because there is something wrong with me, physically not mentally. It's not that."_

"_That?" The doctor asked confused._

"_Listen Doctor, my mother is a paranoid schizophrenic who's been institutionalized so I know very well what mental illness looks like, maybe even better than you." He rose to his feet. "It's not that. It's not." _

Reid remembered storming out of the hospital, so angry with that doctor. Reid had felt guilty later for taking out his fears and stress on that doctor. He was just doing his job, but Reid couldn't accept the fact that the headaches could be because of _that. _After he had seen the other doctors he was afraid that his fear would quickly become his reality. He began second guessing himself on everything. He began studying everything around him trying, to prove to himself that he wasn't crazy.

He was just so tired of being afraid of what he might become. He had been through so much in his lifetime; he had accomplished so much on his own. He had seen what schizophrenia had done to his mother. From what Reid could tell all that was bothering him were the headaches but it still made him tired to think about what might be happening to him and now the entire team knew about it.

He tried to push those thoughts from his mind but the thoughts that filled that void weren't much better. He could remember Olivia lying on that dirty floor next to him; he remembered what it felt like when her hand went slack in his.

Olivia had been through so much, she had wanted to stop what she was doing. She had confessed to him, ready to turn herself in and go to jail just so she could stop herself. She had tried to make things right, she had saved him and what had that gotten her. She died a horrible death right in front of his eyes. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't wipe those images from his memory. They would be there for the rest of his life. He couldn't control the tears that began to fall from his eyes. He tried to stop himself from sobbing so Morgan and Garcia wouldn't hear him, but it physically hurt his body to hold in the sobs. He tried to calm himself, but knew that he couldn't. Even though the water was still warm he pulled the plug from the drain and allowed the sound of the water being sucked from the tub to cover the sound of his sobs.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Author's note: I was reading the transcript of the Chat with Erica Messer over at Criminal Minds Fanatic Blogspot and she mentioned that Jane Lynch would appear in the story arch they have planned for Reid in season 7. Oh I can't wait!

Anyway, hope you enjoy the newest chapter!

* * *

><p>Hotch was seated at his desk. Even though there were stacks of files he needed to be working through, he couldn't seem to focus on them. His gaze kept wondering out the window.<p>

He wasn't sure they could go through this again. If Reid slipped back into _that,_ Hotch wasn't sure _he _could handle seeing Reid like that again. That Reid had a short temper. Not to mention what it would do to the team. And now Strauss seemed to be out for his head half the time and he was sure this whole situation would end badly unless they could do something about it _now_.

How could he convince Reid to stay with the BAU and keep him from slipping into bad habits? All on top of the fact that Reid could be showing signs of Schizophrenia or have some other kind of serious health issue. Not to mention that he had just been held captive and poisoned, almost dying…again. Hotch decided the more important questions was _should_ he try and talk Reid in to staying.

Hotch sighed as he threw his pen on the top of the closest pile. He looked up to find Rossi leaning on his door frame.

"Dave," he started. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that you don't have a plan yet," He replied softly, making his way to the chair across from Hotch.

"You're right," Hotch said honestly. "I'm not sure what I need to do next."

"Well, it's obvious he doesn't want to talk about it, maybe we give him a little space for now." Rossi suggested.

"I wish it were that simple. If it were any of the rest of us we could. I hate to say it but I can't trust Reid to …"Hotch lowered his voice… "Let's just say to keep himself out of trouble."

"At some point you are going to have to trust him." Rossi replied.

"It's more than that, Dave." Hotch leaned forward, "I lost Hailey, I almost lost Jack. This job takes things and people from us. Why does it have to destroy him?"

"Maybe it won't." Rossi said softly.

"Can we take that risk right now?" Hotch asked as he pushed himself back in his seat.

"Maybe what he needs right now is for us to not baby him." Rossi shifted slightly in his seat. "Maybe we take the kid gloves off and let him make up his own mind. He might surprise us."

"Yeah," Hotch let out a small laugh. "That kind of has me worried."

* * *

><p>Reid clenched his eyes shut; pressing his knuckles into his eyes so hard he was sure they'd pop. He wrapped a towel around his waist, not bothering to dry off. He stood still for a moment, hoping that the nausea would magically be gone, but knew better. He stumbled to the toilet and cringed as the contents of his stomach made a very hasty appearance.<p>

His chest was on fire, each heave brought a wave of hot pain as his injured ribs were jolted. He puked so hard that his eyes were watering.

"Reid!" There was a banging at the bathroom door. "Man you ok?"

He couldn't stop.

"Reid, open the door!" Morgan was giggling the door handle; Reid didn't even realize he had locked it.

Reid tried to catch his breath, falling to his knees.

"Kid! Are you ok?" Morgan yelled from the other side.

"Just give…" Reid wiped his mouth, "give me a minute."

After a few minutes Reid's felt his stomach finally relax; now that the nausea was gone he felt a little better. He reached across the toilet and pulled the handle down. He sat there on the floor for a minute as the contents of the toilet disappeared. Reid wasn't sure he would make it far if he tried to stand so he crawled across the small room; he was able to arrange himself so he was leaning on the wall beside the door. He reached up for the lock and turned it.

When Morgan heard the click of the lock he quickly opened the door and knelt down next to him. "Reid, you ok?"

Light from the hallway assaulted his eyes, Morgan's face floated in front of his. "Reid, come on man, answer me or I'm taking you to the hospital. What's wrong?"

"It's just a migraine." Reid answered quietly; covering his eyes with his hand.

"That must be one hell of a headache." Morgan studied him for a moment. "You think you can stand?"

"Yeah, just give me a hand," Reid replied. Morgan helped him to his feet.

"Why didn't you say something?" Morgan asked as he helped him slowly down the hallway.

"Morgan," Reid sighed. "Can we not do this right now? I just want to lie down."

"Ok, whatever you say kid." Morgan was silent after that.

Reid was concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other that he didn't even notice Garcia until she let out a small gasp. Reid didn't need to look up to know that her eyes were roaming across his chest.

Tears were forming in her eyes as she silently watched them pass. It took her a second to compose herself and then she hurried into Reid's bedroom after them. She quickly made her way to the bed and turned down the covers. Morgan eased Reid onto the bed.

"Reid," Morgan leaned down in front of him. "You want to put some clothes on?"

Reid gently shook his head 'no'. He winced as he tried to pull his legs on the bed. Morgan caught his legs and swung them up on the bed for him. Reid mumbled a "Thank you" and buried his head into his pillows.

"What do you need man?" Morgan asked.

"Turn off the lights," was the muffled reply.

"You have any medicine you want to take? You need some water?" Morgan asked as he switched off the bedside lamp.

"Just some water please." Reid pulled the covers over his shoulders.

"I'll get it!" Garcia quickly made her way out of the room.

Morgan sighed as he stood in the dark inches from the bed. He loved the kid but could not understand why Reid would never tell anyone when he wasn't feeling well. He never understood why Reid suffered in silence.

Garcia appeared with a glass of water and a hot towel. She set the water on the table and moved past Morgan to sit next to Reid. "Sweetie, I have a hot towel and your water." She couldn't see Reid but she could hear him moving in the bed. His hands found hers in the dark and took the hot towel.

"Thanks," He placed the towel over his eyes and quietly said. "Now please leave me alone."

Morgan was about to protest when Garcia's hand on his chest stopped him. "Ok," She whispered. "Your water is here on the table and we will be right outside if you need anything."

Garcia got up and pulled Morgan from the room, she left his bedroom door opened just a crack.

"Garcia," Morgan began.

"Lower you voice," She warned.

He sighed. "We can't just leave him alone right now."

"Oh contraire," She replied moving quickly to the living room. "That is exactly what he needs right now. If we go in there a pelt him with questions and hover over him all night he is just going to get worse. Let the migraine ride itself out and then, only then will I allow you to talk to him."

Morgan studied her face for a minute, before he replied. "Ok, you're right."

"Damn straight I'm right." She quietly plopped herself on the couch before saying, "But you had better talk to him soon because there is something seriously wrong with our boy."

* * *

><p>Prentiss sighed as she studied Reid's empty station across from hers. Most of the bullpen was empty; it was late on a Friday night. That was normal around here, but nothing about the past week had been normal and she was sure nothing about the coming weeks would be normal either. She looked up at Hotch's office again; she had made a silent promise to herself not leave before he did. She smiled when she finally saw him grab his bag and exit his office.<p>

"Emily," He said quietly. "What are you still doing here?"

"Oh," She pulled herself from her seat and grabbed her bag. "Just getting caught up on some paperwork. I was about to head out."

He nodded as they walked to the elevator together.

"How's Seaver doing with all this?" Hotch asked as they entered the elevator.

"I think it bothers her that Reid was hurt more than anything else." Emily pulled a strand of hair out of her face. "She knows it's a dangerous job,but I think she's dealing with it."

"And how about you?" He asked as he pressed the button for the garage floor.

"Well," She began, "I know he's safe, but," She paused. "Normally I can handle this type of thing a little better." She was surprised at how honestly she had answered. "Something Morgan said has been bothering me."

"What's that?" Hotch prompted her.

"Reid has this," she sighed as she tried to form the right words. "Reid can never forget. I've always seen Reid's memory as a gift, now it just seems like a curse that will never leave him alone." She could feel a burning sensation in the back of her throat but was determined not to let any tears form. "I never thought of it that way before, and now I can't seem to stop trying to remember every awful thing I've ever seen."

"Reid has lived with that ability his entire life." Hotch began. "He knows how to deal with it; he knows how it affects him. Just because you see it as a curse doesn't mean he does."

Prentiss thought about that for a minute, and then Hotch started again. "Now that you see things a little differently, maybe you can try and use that to help him deal with these specific events."

"Ok," She felt a little better. "Thanks, that helps." The elevator doors opened and they both walked towards their cars.

"Emily," Hotch called.

"Yeah," She turned as she approached her car.

"Thanks for waiting on me." Hotch smiled.

"Was it that obvious?" Prentiss smiled shyly.

"No," he replied, "I just know you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight sir." She smiled again as she unlocked her car and threw her stuff in the passenger seat and climbed in.

* * *

><p>Reid's eyes fluttered open. The first thing that registered was that it was light outside. The second thing that registered was that he had on no clothes. He ran a hand over his unshaven face. He stretched his legs and arms and studied his surrounding for a moment. It took him a minute to remember the night before. He groaned as he realized that Morgan and Garcia were out in his living room, waiting with questions, and concerned voices.<p>

He rolled onto his back and stared at his familiar ceiling. He was thankful that his headache was gone and he realized he was actually very hungry. If he made an appearance outside of his bedroom he wouldn't be alone anymore. He tried to decide if he was hungry enough to deal with them. His stomach growled loudly with his answer.

Reid flung back the covers and pulled himself to his feet. He stretched again before moving to gets some clothes from his dresser. He slowly pulled on some pajamas bottoms and a t-shirt before making his way across the room. He stopped and turned to find his glasses on the bedside table. He grabbed them and put them on as he headed out of his room. He decided to make a quick stop in the bathroom.

When he was finished he was determined to just get it over with, face them sooner rather than later. The sooner he could convince them he was alright, the sooner they would leave him alone. He paused when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a mess. He hadn't shaved in a few days and there was a healthy amount of scruff on his face. He took off his glasses and splashed some cold water on his face to make himself seem more awake. He put his glasses back on and pulled the door open and slowly made his way down the hallway, using the wall as support just in case he needed it.

"Well, look who's finally up." Garcia smiled from her spot on the couch; she rose up to help him to the couch.

"Where's Morgan?" Reid asked as he settled onto the couch, scratching unconsciously at his arm.

"I sent him home for a bit, he'll be back later." She put her cross word puzzle down on the coffee table. "How you feeling?"

"Better, thanks." He replied quickly.

"You hungry?" Garcia asked. "I'll fix you something to eat."

"Oh, don't trouble yourself," He began. "I'm sure I can find something to eat in there."

"It's no trouble. Give me a minute and I will have you something to eat in no time." She made her way into the kitchen. Reid could hear her moving around opening cabinets and getting pans out. He glanced at the clock on the wall, it read 2:48. That couldn't be right. Had he really slept all night and morning? He did feel rested but he hadn't thought he had slept that long. Whatever Garcia was cooking was starting to tempt his nose, Reid's mouth was watering. He pulled himself to his feet and shuffled his way into the kitchen.

Garcia was at the stove with her back to him.

"Is there coffee?" He asked as he entered the kitchen.

"No, but I can make you some if you want but I have orange juice if you want that instead?" She said over her shoulder.

Reid debated on the decision as he sat himself down at his table. "Orange juice might be the smarter choice." He decided.

"Ok," She stepped away from the stove and opened the refrigerator. Reid glanced at its contents; he was surprised to find it full. When he had left it last, there were only a few condiments, some coffee creamer, and some left over take out. Needless to say he had left it pretty bare.

He felt embarrassed as Garcia set down a tall glass in front of him.

"Thanks." He smiled up at her. "You didn't have to buy all that food."

"Oh, don't worry about it." She smiled at his warmly as she made her way back to the stove. "I plan on putting some meat on your skinny bones before the week it out!"

Reid took a sip of the orange juice, letting it soothe his parched throat. He watched Garcia's back as she moved around the kitchen. Reid was thankful she wasn't asking him any questions. She quietly hummed to herself as she plated his food. She sat a plate down in front of him and took a seat next to him.

Reid eyed the plate filled with some kind of omelet and toast smeared with jelly. "Wow, this looks great." He was so hungry he didn't care what it was. He took his first bite; he could feel Garcia's eyes watching him. He made a big show about how good it was but he didn't have to pretend that much, it really was good.

"That is the best omelet I have ever had." Garcia blushed at his praise. "Thank you."

"You're welcome genius boy." She ruffled his already unruly hair. "Now eat up."

Reid simply ate in silence, but he didn't feel uncomfortable with her there. He usually felt the need to fill the silence, but he was tired of being the one talking. He was glad that he could sit with her and have no words spoken.

Once he was finished with his food Garcia jumped up and cleared his plate from the table and started cleaning up the kitchen. "Did you get enough to eat?" She asked as she wiped her hands on a dish towel.

"Yes," He swallowed the last of his orange juice. "I didn't realize how hungry I was."

"Well, I'd be hungry too if I slept most of the day away." She folded the towel and hung it on the front of the stove. "I guess you needed it."

Reid wiped his mouth on a napkin and stood, making his way to drop his glass in the sink. He expected Garcia to jump to his rescue and insist she could take it for him. Baby him like always, but she didn't. She stood next to the counter and watched him.

"Can I ask you something?"

Reid cringed. Great, here come the intrusive questions about how he was dealing with what happened. Which one would be first? "What?" He asked with an almost bitter tone.

"How come you don't have a TV?" She grinned.

"Oh," He hadn't been expecting that, his tone changed immediately. "I used to have one, but it got broken when I moved last year. I never bothered to get a new one."

"Oh," She said simply. "Ok. You want to go back to bed or take a shower or something?"

"I uh," He had planned on sneaking back to the solitude of his room, but Garcia hadn't been as nosy as he had expected her too so he decided he would stay out with her for a little while. That would help him convince her and the others that he was fine. "I'll sit out in the living room with you for a bit."

"Great!" She hooked his arm in hers and they made their way out of the kitchen. "You can help me with my cross word."

* * *

><p>Morgan's phone rang as he climbed the stairs to Reid's apartment. "Yeah?" He answered.<p>

"Morgan, it's Hotch."

"I'm almost back at Reid's. What do ya need?" Morgan waited for his boss to respond.

"Morgan, I'm going to need you to bring Reid in first thing Monday morning."

"Ok," Morgan slowed as he approached the top of the stairs. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes. Strauss has ordered Reid to have a full Psych evaluation." Hotch replied.

Morgan waited for there to be more. "That's not a big surprise. He had to have one after Georgia. What's the big deal?"

"She wants the entire team to go through them."

"Why?" Morgan felt a little uneasy.

"I'm not sure yet. No need to worry, I just wanted you to be aware." Hotch's voice was gone for a minute. "Hey Morgan I've got to go. Jack is calling for me. Let me know if you need anything."

"Yeah," Morgan replied. "You too." He put his phone back on his belt. Why did Strauss want the entire team to go through a psych evaluation? He shook off his worry as he made his way to Reid's apartment.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's note: I am so sorry it has taken me this long to update the story. I won't go into it all, but I have been dealing with some health issues lately and haven't been in the mood to write. Updates may not be as timely as they were before, but I do promise that I WILL finish the story. Hope you enjoy this next chapter. It isn't as polished as I would like it to be, but I wanted to post something for you guys.

Chapter 12

* * *

><p>Morgan was stretched out on the couch, phone in hand trying to pass the time until it was a reasonable hour to try and get some sleep. If he tried right now, he would be in the old people and kid bedtime frame and that was just not acceptable.<p>

He was alone with Reid for now, Garcia had left after they had eaten diner. She had made good on her promise to fatten Reid up with a meal that left Morgan completely satisfied. Reid had showered and crawled into bed an hour earlier.

Morgan sighed as he pondered Strauss' motivation behind the team evaluations she had ordered. It made sense for Reid to have one, that was FBI protocol, but why was the rest of the team being evaluated? Was she just showing concern for the team, or was she using this as an opportunity to make some changes?

A knock at the door pulled Morgan from his thoughts. He rose from the couch and crossed the room to the front door and checked through the peep hole. A smile curled his lips as he opened the door.

"Well, well. Look at you."

"Can I come in?" She smiled back.

"Of course." Morgan pulled her into his arms for a hug.

* * *

><p><em>They were crawling all over his body. They were in his hair, in his clothes, biting him. His blood was pumping in his ears, each beat louder than the one before. He reached for her hand, her fingers cold as ice. Her eyes stared at him, deep into his soul.<em>

"_Why won't you save me?" Her voice was hollow, distant._

_He tried to speak, but his throat was constricted, he began gasping for air._

"_I trusted you. Why didn't you save me?" She shouted. _

_He watched as her eyes turned dead and he hand went slack in his._

Reid shot up in bed, gasping for air. He ran a shacking hand over his face as he took in his surroundings. He was not on that dirty floor in the warehouse, he was in his apartment. He was in his bed.

He cursed as he flipped on his bedside lamp, allowing the light to chase away the fog of his nightmare. His skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat and he couldn't shake that feeling of being covered in spiders. The memory of their tickling legs lingered on his skin.

He tried to slow his breathing down, tried to keep his heart from bursting out of his chest. He stared up at his ceiling, waiting.

Once the blood stopped pounding in his ears, he registered voices in the living room. Garcia had left for the night. Who was Morgan talking too? Reid pulled his body from the twisted, soaked sheets, stumbling slightly as his feet hit the floor. He leaned close to his bedroom door and listened, it was defiantly a female voice.

* * *

><p>Rossi sipped at his drink. It was a very nice Scotch he had bought himself for his birthday a few months before. He had been seated in his living room next to a fire place that was void of any flames. He had a book in his lap, but it has sat unopened the entire time he had been sitting there. His mind had been wandering for the past hour or so, contemplating recent events. He drained his glass, the warm liquid inside had made his head feel a bit fuzzy, the effect he was going for.<p>

He pulled himself from his chair and made his way across the room to the bar. He paused when he passed some of the photos hanging on the wall. There were photos of family and friends here and there, but mixed among them was a photo of the BAU team at the previous year's Christmas party. They were all laughing at something, Rossi could quit remember what, Reid could probably tell him. They all seemed so happy in that moment. His phone rang, breaking the empty silence he had been enjoying the entire evening.

Rossi picked up the bottle of Scott, ready to fill his glass again, but he sighed when he felt how light the bottle was. He set the glass down, empty and headed upstairs and ignored the phone that was ringing as he went. He had had enough for one night.

* * *

><p>"Spence." Her voice was small as her wide eyes took in his shambled appearance. He uncrossed his arms and twisted the legs of his pajamas in his hands, not meeting her gaze as he stood in the hall.<p>

JJ crossed the room and placed her soft hands on his elbows, gently pulling his arms around her. She didn't squeeze too hard, but she held him firmly. Reid allowed himself to relax in her arms. "I'm so glad you're alive." She said softly, her lips near his ear. They stayed that way for a while, not moving. Morgan slipped out the front door to give them some privacy.

Reid was the first to pull away. His need to sit down outweighed his desire to be hugged. JJ let him go but followed him to the couch and left a comforting hand on his arm. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Reid glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was Henry's bedtime and felt guilty.

JJ caught him eyeing the clock and said softly, "Don't worry about Henry. Will is taking care of bedtime tonight." Reid forced his lips into a small smile. "You know," She shifted on the couch, "It might help to talk about it. How you're feeling. What you're thinking."

Reid didn't want to talk about it.

JJ continued, "Look, Hotch called." Reid's head snapped up. "You probably already figured that Strauss would order a psyche evaluation." Reid realized that he hadn't even thought about it, but he wasn't surprised. He hated talking to FBI psychologists. It was easy enough to answer all the questions correctly to get a "pass", but the actual talking made him uncomfortable. "You'll be fine, but it might be better for you if you talk with someone you're comfortable with before going in and talking to …."

"A shrink?" He interrupted.

"Well, "She paused, then smiled a small smile, "Yeah, a shrink." She continued. "Look, Spence, Hotch told me what happened, but why don't _you_ tell me something?" Her piercing blue eyes saw right into him. "I just want to make sure you're all right." She waited, then added a sweet, "Please?"

"I uh," He fumbled with his words, "I uh…" He finally looked her in the eye and said. "I was sure I was going to die."

* * *

><p>Dr Noah Carter was reviewing the case files he had been sent on the couch in his home study. He worked for the FBI doing psych evaluations wherever he was needed. Strauss had sent him copies of the entire team's files so he could be well acquainted with them before he started the evaluations on Monday morning. His job is to asses an agent's mental capacity to determine if they are fit for duty.<p>

He held the file for Agent Spencer Reid in his hands. He was impressed; Agent Reid had graduated high school at an early age and furthered his education at Caltech. He held a PhD in Chemistry, Mathematics, and Engineering. He also held a BA in Psychology, Sociology and had just recently completed another BA in Philosophy. He was considered a genius on many levels, but it appeared he had some issues with social skills on occasion.

His eyes glanced down and his eyes caught on the list of injuries he had sustained in the line of duty. He had been abducted and held captive for 2 days where he suffered cardiac arrest, he had been assaulted several times, he had been shot, and farther through the file he saw that Reid had been involved in a murder investigation of a child from his childhood neighborhood. There were some other incidents listed, but they were classified. He flipped through the file until he came to the report from Agent Reid's last psych evaluation. The notes were adequate at best, there weren't that many.

"_Agent was able to answer all questions to satisfaction… He is not showing any signs of distress or PTSD at this time… He can be released for field duty." _

He was surprised that he wasn't showing any signs of PTSD after experiencing such an ordeal. He had seen a lot of agents get pulled from the field after experiencing less severe trauma. Either Agent Reid was really good at covering up his emotions or he was very tough. The photo that was clipped to the front of the file made him think that Agent Reid wasn't a rough guy.

Dr Carter threw the file on the coffee table in front of him. He perched his feet up on the table and laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. These evaluations were going to be rough, he could feel it.

* * *

><p>Prentiss parked her car on the street in front of Reid's building. She grabbed the box from the seat next to her and climbed out. She stopped short at the steps and found Morgan perked on the steps leading to the entrance.<p>

"Hey," She called as she stooped to sit next to him.

"Hey," He replied. "What you doing here?"

"Oh," She sighed, "I thought you might want a break." She lifted up the box in her lap, "I brought doughnuts."

"Oh wow." Morgan smiled as he pulled the box from her hand and opened it, selecting from the contents within. "Thanks Prentiss."

They sat in silence for a few moments, and then she asked. "How is he?"

"Well," Morgan said around bites of a chocolate glazed doughnut, "He got really sick last night with a migraine. He's been having nightmares. He's moody and closed off. About how you would expect him to be."

Prentiss sighed, "Right." She shifted herself then asked, "How are you doing with all of this?"

Morgan swallowed, "Well, Hotch said not to worry but the team evaluations Strauss ordered has me a little worried."

"Wait," Emily's ear perked, "She ordered evaluations for ALL of us?"

"Yeah," Morgan looked at her. "Hotch didn't tell you?"

"No," She looked at him as she pulled out her phone. "Oh, wait…Yes he did. Missed call about an hour ago. I had it on silent." She huffed as she pushed it back in her pocket. "I'm sure it's nothing and that's not what I meant."

"What?" Morgan looked at her blankly.

"How are you doing with Reid?" She watched his eyes as he formulated an answer.

"Truthfully?" He began, "I just feel like a broken record. I've had this conversation with Hotch and Garcia, and now you." He sighed, "Truthfully I'm scared. I'm scared he might not make it through this. I mean, he could have died and now we are just supposed to make sure he comes back to work because this team can't lose him? I'm supposed to do that? What kind of friend, person, does that make me? I'm supposed to watch him battle with this, and if he makes it through this, what am I supposed to do? Just wait until the next time?" He pushed on. "How could I not see how sick he was before all this happened? Last night he could barely stand that headache was so bad. I feel like I've let him down in so many ways."

"Derrick," Emily's hand found a place on his arm. "Look, Reid _will_ make it through this. He is so strong, and we will all be here to help him, not just you. None of us knew what was going on, Reid hides things very well. "

Morgan sighed, "And," she continued, "he knows the risks of this job, probably better than anyone because he can quote you every statistic and handbook there is."

Morgan smiled a bit.

"See," She bumped him. "He's gonna be fine. And as far as him coming back to work, we will just have to wait and see what happens. He has to be out of the field for at least 2 weeks anyway before he will be cleared physically, maybe longer. He may not feel the same way about it then as he does now."

Morgan shook his head. "I don't know. He's…off. He's in a lot of pain, physically and emotionally and he won't talk to me about it."

"Well, maybe he needs some time," She rose to her feet. "Or doughnuts." She smiled. "Come on, let's go inside."

"Well," Morgan pulled himself up. "JJ is up there with him, I wanted to give them some privacy."

"JJ's here?" Prentiss asked.

"Yeah, she got here about 20 minutes ago."

"Well," Prentiss smiled. "If anyone can get Reid to talk, it's JJ."

* * *

><p>"I looked in the barrel of that gun," His voice was soft. "I looked in the barrel of my own gun and was absolutely sure that I was going to die."<p>

JJ's eyes watered, but she held back the stinging in her throat as he continued. "I closed my eyes, and just waited." He was quiet for a few minutes. "Then, everything went cold. I didn't hear anything, I didn't feel anything. I just waited." He cleared his throat. "I heard the shot, waited for the pain, but there was nothing. I thought I was dead. I didn't even realize what had happened until I opened my eyes." His voice broke, and he cleared his throat. "He was covering her. I crawled over to them and pulled him off of her. She was gasping for air…"Reid took a deep breath, "I…I…can't anymore."

"What?" JJ asked.

"I can't do this anymore." He ran a hand over his face. "I'm sorry JJ. I can't talk about this right now."

"Spence," JJ touched his knee. "It's ok. Can I get you anything? Can I do something for you?"

"No," He answered automatically.

"Spence," she inched closer to him. "Please let me help you."

He closed his eyes, "Can we just sit?"

"Of course." JJ whispered. Reid laid his head back against the couch and took a deep breath and reached for her hand. She squeezed it tightly and listened to his breathing slow and then even out to the almost silent breathing that only sleep can bring.


End file.
